What people ask me daily: “So Haley, how has it been since being home from training camp?”
What I told them: “Great!!”
What people respond to my statement daily: “Awesome, that is so great to hear!”
What I wish I told them: “It’s been emotionally draining, exhausting, and hard.”
Since being home from camp, it hasn’t been all that great. Yes, it’s great seeing my family, it’s great talking to my boss and co-workers at work and helping them out. It’s great seeing everyone. But emotionally wise, it hasn’t been great. I’ve been physically sick since I’ve been home from camp. And I know that is the enemy trying to get to me. BUT the enemy will not win. God has won my heart.
It’s a hard transition from camp to home. See camp was like a spiritual boot-camp. It was a place where your walls were broken down, where you could be just you with no judgemental comments. A place where you can really feel the Holy Spirit and God, where you can feel safe. A place where you can sing and dance your heart out during worship, where you can spiritually, deeply connect with one another. A place where the Worldrace staff and squad-mates really loves you for who you are and is okay with you letting out your flaws/pains. A place where everyone encourages each other and listens. Yes training camp is physically and emotionally hard but you really feel God’s love there. It’s a place where the whole community comes together as ONE. It doesn’t get any better than that.
Then coming home, you have to really learn how to stay presence on your own rather doing it with the World Race’s staff and squad-mates. And that is hard for me.
See, God has blessed me with a spiritual gift of mercy.
Here is a list of what mercy givers are known to be:
-The mature mercy-giver is kind and gentle.
-Mercy-givers sense and reflect the spiritual and emotional atmosphere around them.
-Mercies need to be needed. People with this gift must reach out and get involved, or their mercy will turn inward, resulting in an introspective focus that concentrates on their own hurts or fears.
-Mercies are drawn to other sensitive people.
-Mercies have a God-given ability to sense a person’s spirit or the atmosphere among a group of people. They recognize the feelings that may be at work in others’ minds and hearts. When mercies are walking in the Spirit, this gift equips them to reach out to people who are suffering but who would likely be reluctant to tell others about their needs.
-Mercy-givers are attracted to people in distress; they love the people that most of us tend to run away from.
-Mercies love the unlovable, such as the handicapped, the elderly, the seriously ill, and the wounded in spirit. They are drawn to the outcast, the out of fellowship, and the rebellious. Mercy-givers run toward people who are unpleasant or unresponsive, reflecting the heart of God toward needy people.
-Mercies tend to embrace humility, because of their sensitive spirits and awareness of their own weaknesses and failures.
So of course, I felt more alive at camp than I have in years. Because I was able to use my gift. I was able to listen to those that were in pain. I was able to be involved with the Holy Spirit through the World Race staff and the squad crowds. I was able to connect with other mercies. I was able to help people that were struggling with breaking down their walls. I was able to be there for those who felt wounded in spirit. I was able to embrace humility. I was able to encourage, love one another. I was able to show the joy, light, and love that God has/want for them.
So not being able to do that wholly here is tough. I want more than anything to use my gift here. I’m not saying I don’t use it here, I do. But not as much as I hope for. So my prayer is that I will be able to use my gift here at home like I did at camp, whether that is through family, friends, or strangers.
Although I do feel like my heart is somewhere else. I feel like I belong where God wants me to be and that is with my squad and being in Asia. But I am here at home right now.
Does that mean I am going to give up for the next month before I launch? NO.
I am going to keep trying. I am going to keep trying to stay in presence of God. This is the perfect time for me to really rely on Him on my own and trust Him that He is there and He will provide. I am going to keep trying to tell others about how I feel rather holding it on my own. I learned that you allow God to be closer to you when letting go of your walls and emotions. I am going to keep trying to stay healthy, physically and emotionally. I am going to keep trying to share God’s story and use His love. I am going to keep on loving my family and friends wholly. I won’t allow the enemy win. God has already won my heart.
Although I can’t do it without your prayers. Will you be willing to pray for me? Pray that God allows me to use my gift of mercy during the next 6 weeks, I want to be able to use it here, not just on the race. I want to embrace it. Pray that He will provide the $5,900 I need by August 21st. Pray that He will give me strength to stay presence and that He stands next to me all the way through. Pray that He will give me joy and light just like He did at camp. Also thank Him as well. Thank Him for providing the $4,200 that I’ve raised. Thank Him for breaking down my walls at camp and realizing that I am the light of God. Thank Him for guiding me to His calling that He has for me. Thank Him for allowing you to be a part of my journey.
THANK YOU to those who have supported me and love me through out this BEAUTIFUL journey.
And to those who think you are alone, you’re not alone. God is with you. If you just need to express and need someone to listen, please don’t hesitate to email me ([email protected]), give me a text, or give me a call. You can be a complete stranger, I am willing to listen. Allow me to show God’s love.
Here’s a verse that my wonderful, beautiful team leader, Hallie, (http://halliecanada.theworldrace.org) gave me few days ago that has been stuck with me since and wanted to share to those who are struggling as well.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
