This is the second of many blogs about my experience at Training Camp. Stay tuned throughout this week for the rest of the series!
2. Love
This year I have really struggled with the idea of love. I have struggled with feeling like other people don’t truly love me, and in turn, I didn’t love myself. I started falling into a very dark place where I really didn’t believe that someone would ever truly love me here on earth, and I wasn’t worthy of love. So why would God ever love me? I mean, I had been told for years and years, “God loves you so much he gave his only son…you are unconditionally loved…Jesus loves you” but I just didn’t believe it. I still felt lonely, unwanted, brokenhearted, even though I deeply longed to be loved and to love others.
These feelings traveled with me to training camp. I have to admit, I went into TC with a hardened heart toward love and bad thoughts started creeping in again. Why would these strangers who didn’t know a thing about me love me? What if they didn’t? I would have to spend a year with them. I knew they would be telling me what I have already heard, and I really didn’t want to hear it again.
But a moment at TC made everything change. We were singing and worshiping when the bridge of the song came along and said:
Since your love got a hold of me
Since your love got a hold of me
I’m a new creation
I’m forever changed
And people raised their hands. People smiled. Some of my squad mates were even STRAIGHT UP DANCING they felt so loved by Him. In that moment, I really felt his love surrounding me and gripping so tightly to me. I AM forever changed. His love has a hold on me.
Overwhelmed by the lyrics and this feeling, I sat down in the middle of the song and prayed. Jesus told me to reflect on a time where I have truly felt loved or have loved someone else. He told me to think about how that felt, how happy I was, how much joy that feeling brought me.
Then He told me,
“Yeah, I love you a billion times more than that.”
And my mind and heart blew up. Jesus’ love is a million-jillion times more incredible than any love I have ever experienced.
Like WHAAAAT???
Throwback to my first blog: Jesus really does love us recklessly – and reckless could not be a more perfect word to describe it.
Not only did I experience an overwhelming sense of love from Him, but I also felt it from my squadmates. These 36 people are some of the most selfless, loving people I have ever met – they radiate the love of Jesus everywhere they go. Day 1 of camp when I really didn’t know anyone at all, I was leaving a conversation with a squad mate when she said, “Haley, I love you!” And it really startled me. This girl doesn’t even know me, how could she say something like that? But then it kept happening. For 10 days.
“Goodnight Haley, I love you!”
“Haley, you are so loved.”
“Love ya, Haley!”
And every time a squadmate said it, I would hear it echo in the back of my head in Jesus’ voice. And for the first time in a while, I believed it.
@ all my squadmates : Thanks for showing me real love those 10 days. I have never felt so overwhelmingly cared about. You guys have no idea what each word means to me. PTL I get to spend a 11 months with ya’ll. I love you guys.
In just 10 days, my thoughts and perceptions about love were completely flipped over and I am on fire to dive deeper into this love Jesus has for me for the next 11 months. He has got a hold on me. And He is not letting go.
But I still need help to make it onto this Journey!
I need to raise $3,660 by September 12 to still be able to go on this Race. That’s only ONE WEEK!!!!
If you feel led, please join me by clicking the donate button at the top of my blog. Please send me an email or text if you want to help me financially or prayerfully in other ways. Every step counts, and gets me closer to sharing this incredible love with the nations.
And so many thank yous to everyone who has already supported my mission. Almost $1,000 came in last week, which is INSANE!!! I am so thankful to have so many supporters standing by my side.
I can’t wait to share the rest of my training camp experience with you guys. Subscribe to my blog or stay tuned this week for the rest of my words.
Here’s one last analogy for you:
Imagine the love you feel when you hold one kitten in your arms. Feels pretty good, right? Now imagine Jesus dumping 100 tiny fluffy kittens on top of you.
HEART EXPLSION.
That feeling of utter love – thats how Jesus feels about us.
With reckless love,
Haley
