I only have two and a half months left on the race, and I think they might be some of the hardest times on the race for me. I knew that when I said “yes” to taking a year away from my family and friends, that I was saying “no” to a lot. I was saying no to seeing one of my oldest friends having her first child. I was saying no to seeing my family on holidays and birthdays. Saying no to not just one of my best friends getting married, but FOUR sets of friends getting married. To missing graduations, going away parties, celebrating people and how much they mean to me. Also saying no to being there when life hits hard, when people pass away, or just want someone to listen.
I know that when you say yes to the Lord, He blesses you and the time you put in to that yes. That doesn’t make it any easier. I am so thankful for all these people back home who have shown support and love for me while I said yes to this crazy journey, and no to them. The race is hard, we’re in the middle of month 9 and I’m exhausted. Im physically tired, it’s hot, air con is not a norm and it’s hard to find rest. I’m emotionally drained, between our ministry this month, pouring myself into relationships with my team/squad, and trying to continue to show the people back home that I still love them.
These days I seem to cry at almost everything (which doesn’t happen) because I have no idea what’s next and sometimes I don’t even know how to enjoy the ‘now’. Also because I’m sad that in these next 2 months so much is going on at home and that I’m missing out. I have no idea the Lord has for me post-race and I feel like I’m walking through a dessert looking for the promised land.
That’s just it though, promised land, God promises He has good things for us if we just hold on a through the hard stuff. I may not know what life will look like 3 months from now or 3 years from now, but I know He is good and He has big things in store for me. For now it hurts, I don’t hear God’s voice, but eventually I will. Eventually it will get better, and it will all make sense. This year has been so good for me and I wouldn’t change it for anything.
