Yeah… training camp TWICE!! Such a crazy journey from last July up to this week of training camp that I truly thought would be pointless for me to sit through again because of previously doing so.. Aside from being able to meet new squad mates and build relationships.. ( THAT PART I ALREADY KNEW.. TOTALLY WORTH IT!)
Oh how I am SO reminded that our ways aren't His ways and most of the time our plans aren't His plans. We can make plans but The Lord directs our steps and I never thought my steps would lead right back here starting a journey fresh that I was "suppose" to finish this past may.
Going into training camp this time around I wasn't certain of anything. I wasn't certain what emotions would come. I didn't know a single person on my squad. I didn't know who my squad leaders would be or my squad mentor. All I knew was I was getting in a car on Friday July 11 and driving 7 hours with a squad mate that I didn't know to meet and stay with 14 other squad mates I didn't know to stay in one hotel room. I wasn't scared but I was definitely uncertain about what was ahead of me for the week.
When going to training camp and experiencing all that you do in a short 8 days- coming home and having people ask what happened can be a little overwhelming. Sometimes there just aren't words to even describe what happened within the week. Last year I found myself in a place of not really having many words after training camp but this year that's not the case at all.
My prayer for these past ten months of my life and going into this next year has been the exact words of sidewalk prophets song- "keep making me"
"Keep Making Me"
Make me broken
So I can be healed
'Cause I'm so calloused
And now I can't feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken
Make me empty
So I can be filled
'Cause I'm still holding
Onto my will
And I'm completed
When you are with me
Make me empty
[Chorus:]
'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me
Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
'Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
'Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely
[Chorus]
'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making,
I know You'll keep making
Lord, please keep making me
This past season of life has been a season of everything being torn from me… My prayer is being answered! It is a scary thing to pray and ask God to make you broken, lonely and empty when you really mean it. I REALLY MEANT IT AND I STILL MEAN IT!
My Texas sister Courtney and I had a conversation about how scary it is to pray things like these but oh how BEAUTIFUL the things are that come from a prayer like this being answered. When things and people are torn from you and the ONLY thing you have is God… It will bring you to a place of depth in your relationship with The Lord like you've never experienced before!!!
Before training camp I have seen The Lord answering this prayer in many ways, but not until I got here did I really realize how He truly was answering this prayer.
Being with an entire new squad of 40 ppl I didn't know and had never seen in my life… It was tough. It was tough because they all already knew each other. It was tough because they had been part of the squad for a while. It was tough but really good because in those moments of feeling alone or on the outside God so softly whispered in my ear.. Haleigh this is what you prayed for. You wanted this so all you had was me to lean on. I am here with you and you aren't alone. You have me always but I have also given you this new family of 40 people and they love you. You are all a family and I'm about to take you all on a journey that's going to change every aspect of your life for the rest of forever…
In that moment I can't even explain what shifted in my heart. The fears and anxiety left. These people that seconds before felt like complete strangers suddenly became family to me. It became so real- so beautiful- so humbling!
Training camp was nothing I expected it to be and EVERYTHING I needed it to be…. The strangers became FAMILY and the LOVE of JESUS overcame me and HE is empowering me to go out stronger than ever before!
