7/8/19
To the Woman who Stole my Phone:
I was angry. Angry at you for taking my phone. Angry at you for targeting me. Angry at myself for not being more aware, I do know better, trust me, awareness has been drilled into my head for years. I was angry at God for not doing something different. I was grasping at reasons why it had to happen. What lesson was I supposed to learn and why did I have to learn it this way? (clarification for those reading: This was just where my mind was at. Sometimes bad things just happen. They aren’t God “teaching us a lesson.” They are the result of a broken world. However, He is good and sovereign and uses those bad things to grow us in ways which result in His glory). I was struggling to not just reason my emotions away like I typically do but to actually allow myself to be upset.
You saw a phone. I saw the carrier of memories for the past five months that I hadn’t yet transferred to my laptop. You saw a way to make money. I saw all the notes and letters that I had written. You saw an opportunity for gain. I saw a way to talk to family and friends who I haven’t seen in almost a year.
I wished I had seen you. I wanted to race after you and tackle you to the ground. I wanted you to take a swing at me so I could hit back harder. I was angry.
I was hurt. I had been called “musungu” all day long- sometimes in excitement, sometimes in annoyance, sometimes by the always staring men that make me uncomfortable, sometimes in an overheared conversation that I only knew was about me. I was always being noticed and called out – something that has bothered me ever since I was a kid (if you’re part of a big family, people stare….just how it is). Now I had been targeted and stolen from because I stood out. It hurt.
I slipped up one time, I had my phone out and then put it in a pocket that I thought was too difficult to be taken from (because yes, I think about those things a lot). I was wrong and that one time of being wrong cost me something important. I had also messed up in that I hadn’t transferred my pictures from the last five months over to my laptop. All those reminders of memories, all those images from adventures and glimpses into daily life were gone. That really hurt.
Thankfully, after about 24 hours of being very down, I was able to talk to some dear friends and my parents. They all have prayed for me and asked others to do the same. You know, it’s crazy what God has done with their prayers, their kindness, and the ways they reminded me of the truth about my situation and what God had to say about it (that I honestly didn’t want to hear). One friend told me he thought Psalm 37 was for me. I read it this morning and he was right. It talks a lot about the righteous versus the wicked. Of course, I thought of you as the wicked person, no offence but it fit. Verses like, “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in [her] way; over the [woman] who carries out evil devices! Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself, it tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.” (Psalm 37:7-9) and, “The wicked plot against the righteous and gnashes his teeth at him, but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for He sees that his day is coming.” (vv. 12-13)
My heart for you changed. I wasn’t glad that there were all these things coming against you. Dear beautiful woman, created in the image of God, I don’t want these things for you. I don’t want you to be cut off! I don’t want you to face the consequences of your wrongdoing!
God changed my heart for you. I’m praying for you. I’m begging that God convicts your heart, not so that I can get my phone back like I prayed at first. I am crying out for God to convict you so that when someone comes and tells you about how God is pursuing you, you listen. I’m asking that you will be convicted so that you know that you’re short of God’s perfection. I’m pleading that you’re moved so greatly that you see the need you have for grace and are willing to accept the righteousness that Jesus will give you. “Turn away from evil and do good; so shall you dwell forever.” (v. 27) I want you to be able to dwell forever in relationship with God. I want to be able to meet you one day in heaven. We’re going to know each other instantly and I’m going to give you the biggest hug with happy tears streaming down my face. I want to hear the amazing, kind way in which God relentlessly pursued you. I want to tell you that I love you.
Honestly, I laughed to myself after realizing I said that. I mean it, I love you. What a crazy God we serve. Less than 48 hours ago, I wanted to get into an all out fight with you and win. I wanted justice to be served. Now, I don’t even want my phone back. I just want you to know this amazing God that will bring about an equally great change in you.
You’re going to be a powerhouse for the kingdom. You’re going to impact so many people and they are going to have relationships with Jesus because of you. You children are going to be believers for so many generations, until Jesus comes back. He is going to use your voice, your testimony, your influence, your prayers to leave the darkness in Kilgali so damaged that the enemy sighs in relief when they no longer have to battle against your prayers once your life on earth reaches its end. I see it now. I see why it happened. Bad things happen, yes. But God used this freaking bad thing to change my heart so that now I’m going to be praying for you for the rest of my life and you’re going to bring about so much good. I can’t wait to hear your stories.
Some of my friends were praying for a miracle, for my phone to be returned to me. I don’t believe that miracle is going to take place, but I fully believe that I will see you in heaven one day, my sister. That’s a better miracle. It’s one that God has made me confident will take place – all because you stole my phone.
See you someday, sister. In the meantime, I’m praying for you.
Love,
Hailey
