A good friend of mine has invited me to Young Life probably every week since it started back up this school year. Since September, I have (usually) had a valid reason not to go – whether it be because of work, school, or wanting to be with my family. Thankfully, this friend is persistent. She continued to invite me to Young Life club every Monday, and even invited me to Winter Weekend, a three day camp Young Life goes to once a year. I wanted to go, but with fundraising for World Race, an overwhelming amount of school, and work to keep up with, I had to say no to camp.
At noon on Friday, she asked me one more time if I wanted to go to Southwind, the three day Young Life camp. She told me I could get a scholarship and not have to pay anything, and because the cost was now my biggest concern, I decided to ask my parents if I could go. I was home by 1, finished writing an essay, completed a few household chores, presented my parents with the question, packed my bag, went to history class, and left at 3:45, amazed that I had finished everything and was actually getting to go.
It did not completely sink in until I was on the bus leaving for camp.
I had only been to two Young Life clubs, and here I was going out of town with them. Playing games with groups of people is one thing I genuinely hate, but I was about to spend two full days with an organization that seems to revolve around playing those games.
I had to give up my phone for those few days, which means I couldn’t talk to my family or boyfriend, or escape to Instagram whenever I wanted. I really didn’t want to give it up.
What if the five people I know don’t include me in whatever they are doing? What if I am chosen to play a game on stage and totally screw it up? What if I feel out of place all weekend?
While it now sounds ridiculous, these were genuine thoughts going through my head. I didn’t want to feel out of place, and I didn’t want to mess up, and on the bus ride I was beginning to feel fearful of these things happening.
I made up my mind to say yes to as much as I could that weekend. I didn’t have to be great at the games we played, but I would say yes to playing them. I was allowed to feel uncomfortable if I had to get on the stage, but I would do it anyways. Who needs a comfort zone? I am about to go on World Race, I should get used to living without it while I am still in America.
I played the games that I dislike so strongly. I didn’t win, but that doesn’t matter. I played the games, and I was genuinely proud of myself for doing so, because even though I felt uncomfortable about it, I was not living through the fear of messing up.
I didn’t have to go on stage, but I had made up my mind to do so if I was called up. By the end of the week, I wished I had been called onto stage, because the games looked fun. (I surprised myself with that thought.)
I swam in the freezing cold pool, and I went down the freezing cold water slide, and I enjoyed it.
I danced poorly and sang way too loud, and it was so much fun. Once I made up my mind to stop worrying about what could go wrong and just embrace, I felt comfortable with looking crazy or doing something wrong.
I was not on my phone, and it was such a blessing. Having my phone in someone else’s hands for a couple of days allowed me to recognize my thoughts and address them properly, instead of pushing them away by looking through my news feed. I realized that there is absolutely nothing wrong with what I felt. What is wrong is living into that fear – changing the way I act because I am afraid of what could happen, or not playing games because I don’t want to mess up. I’m not perfect, and part of living life is embracing that fact. I’ll strive to be the best I can, but I will mess up, make a fool out of myself, be terrible at games, and that’s okay. It can even be kind of fun.
I tried to live fully those two full days, and it helped create one of the best weekends I have had in a while. I went to my first ever camp, my friendships grew stronger, I made a few new friends, I tried new things, and I realized that I am not alone in feeling fearful or out of place. In these little ways, I was put out of my comfort zone, and it was amazing. By talking with a small group, I got to share that I am going on World Race, and met someone else who went on the trip a few years ago. I go to talk to her about it, and she gave me advise for my Race.
I love comfort zones. But I also love adventure. Comfort zones limit the possibility for adventure. Choosing adventure is so much more fun than choosing to be comfortable. I am going to start living like I am at camp from now on, embracing new things, doing things I don’t enjoy, making friendships, being vulnerable, and fully living. Because fully living is really, really fun.
