This blog was not originally going to be a blog. When I first had the idea, I was going to write it privately in my journal. But after thinking it over, I thought it might be fun to share! However, there is a good chance it will be slightly confusing. Onward!
Dear younger me,
I’m not sure how long your life will be, but I do know you make it to at least 18! So for that, congrats! It’s been a mostly fun journey. Difficulties have arisen, but you get through them every time. So again, congrats!
You are compassionate. You have been since kindergarten! You’ll get to a point, though, where you see Christ’s compassion lacking in your life. And when you ask Him to give you His compassion, be warned that this will put you in some tough situations!
You are loyal. Your loyalty is something you’ve learned from people who have not been loyal to you. It hurts, younger me! It hurts to be rejected again and again since you were nine, but guess what? You learn from these situations. As Pastor Steve always said, “God doesn’t fail you, He just reenrolls you in the class.” Your stubbornness sometimes creates many reenrollments in certain classes. Learning the same lesson over and over again is kind of aggravating, so try and learn it the first time.
Your love for gymnastics is something that I don’t see going away any time soon. Way back when you did gymnastics, you thought that was who you were. Well, it was not who you were. You somewhat made your thirteen year old life revolve around this sport, and when you retired your leotards, grips, and ankle braces, you felt a little lost. But as you have many times, you got through it! You began a new sport, dance, and you grew to love it almost as much as gymnastics.
I don’t think gymnastics was good for how you felt about yourself. For seven years, you were in a level with girls much younger than you. You were never good enough to win. In all those years, you never actually won at all. But younger me, just because you weren’t good enough in gymnastics, doesn’t mean who you are wasn’t good enough.
You went to Haiti when you were 15. You fell in love. Everything about the country was simply perfect in your eyes – you loved that you felt so loved there. And then you get to go back the next summer. But for whatever reason, your body decides to shut down and you pass out. At the airport. Only three hours from your heaven on earth. And you were crushed. And embarrassed. You dubbed July 8 of 2015 Worst Day Ever, and this will stay with you for a while. In fact, you have a decent sized fear of this happening again, but on World Race.
Please know, younger me, that while it does completely suck that this happened, it taught you to truly love others. Jesus used this hurt to show you that one of His purposes for putting you on this earth is to love people. To love everyone, including the people you live right next to! God will also use these few months to tell you something you’ve been waiting to hear since you were 9. It was at this age you decided to be a missionary when you grew up. And it was roughly two years ago when God told you where you’ll be a missionary to. Drumroll… He wants you as a missionary in… America. Yes, it is a letdown when you first realize it. A real big letdown. But take a step back, slightly younger Hailey, and realize that this is a privilege! There is a reason you have a heart for missions and there is a reason He wants you here. Connect the dots and see that so many Americans are just as in need of Jesus as those in others parts of the world. We need Jesus light and Jesus love just as badly here, too. Also, yay for a life full of indoor plumbing!
You are a dreamer. You love to daydream, a bit too much sometimes, and not only that, but God gives you dreams! God speaks to you through your dreams, and this is amazing and certainly nothing to be embarrassed by. It’ll sound weird to some, but it is such a gift from Jesus.
You have discernment. Make sure you use it.
You are an adventurer. Even as a little girl you have loved to adventure. This will only grow, and it will help make some of your dreams come true.
Dear younger me, its been quite the adventure. And I want you to know that you are so greatly loved. Even when you don’t feel like you are; when they ignore you for no reason, when you mess up, and when you don’t love yourself, you are so greatly loved. It took a long time to become comfortable with who you are, what you look like, and even what your purpose is. But it’ll happen – you will decide to stop talking bad about yourself, stop comparing, and start encouraging yourself. After all, you’re just as precious as Zachary and all the other Haitian kids you love so much.
Younger Hailey, I love you. You’re cool and silly and worth a lot.
-18 year old Hailey
