It’s a bit messy. It’s because it’s coming from a place where I’m still learning and still struggling.
“ 1 The Lord says “Sing, Jerusalem. You are like a woman who never gave birth to children. Start singing and shout for joy. You have never felt the pain of giving birth, but you will have more children than the woman who has a husband. 2 Make your tent bigger, stretch it out and make it wider. Do not hold back. Make the ropes longer and its stakes stronger, 3 because you will spread out to the right and the left. Your children will take over other nations, and they will again live in cities that were once destroyed. 4 Don’t be afraid, because you will not be ashamed. Don’t be embarrassed, because you will not be disgraced. You will forget the shame you felt earlier; you will not remember the shame you felt when you lost your husband. 5 The God who made you is like your husband. His name is the Lord All-Powerful. The Holy One of Israel is the one who saves you. He is called the God of all the earth. 6 You were like a woman whose husband left her, and you were very sad. You were like a wife who married young and then her husband left her. But the Lord called you to be his” says your God. 7 God says “I left you for a short time but with great kindness I will bring you back again. 8 I became very angry and hid from you for a time, but I will show you mercy with kindness forever.” Says the Lord who saves you. 9 The Lord says, “This day is like the time of Noah to me. I promised that I would never flood the world again. In the same way, I promise I will not be angry with you or punish you again. 10 The mountains may disappear, and the hills may come to an end, but my promise of peace will not come to an end.” Says the Lord who shows mercy to you. 11 You poor city. Storms have hurt you, and you have not been comforted. But, I will rebuild you with turquoise stones, and I will build your foundations with sapphires. 12 I will use rubies to build your walls and shining jewels for the gates and precious jewels for all your outer walls. 13 All your children will be taught by the Lord and they will have much peace. 14 I will build you using fairness. You will be safe from those who would hurt you, so you have nothing to fear. Nothing will come to make you afraid. 15 I will not send anyone to attack you, and you will defeat those who do attack you. 16 See, I made the blacksmith. He fans the fire to make it hotter, and he makes the kind of tool he wants. In the same way I have made the destroyer to destroy. 17 So no weapon that is used against you will defeat you. You will show that those who speak against you are wrong. These are the good things my servants receive. Their victory comes from me.” Says the Lord.”
Isaiah 54
I’ve been reading this passage over and over for the past few weeks. I keep being told that I’m going to be “rebuilt” and I need to use my gifts and be bold.
The introvert in me is saying “Ha. Okay.”
I’ve always felt that I didn’t have important things to say, I’m not in touch with the Lord, or I don’t know what I’m talking about. I always felt that my opinion did not matter. So, all of a sudden people are telling me “Hailey, you have things to say.”, “You need to say how you feel”, exactly how am I supposed to just believe that immediately and change everything about me and my way of thought?
Well, when I first read this passage, I was a little shocked. Here are a few of my thoughts as I read through it the first time.
“Start singing and shout for joy”
I’ve done a lot of withdrawing from the people around me, I’ve allowed myself to just sit in misery and I fill my head with thoughts of rejection and shame and fear.
“Don’t be afraid, because you will not be ashamed. Don’t be embarrassed, because you will not be disgraced. You will forget the shame you felt earlier”
Yikes, right in the heart. But, I’m just tired of being miserable, I want peace in my heart and in everything around me. I don’t want to deal with hard things right now.
“The mountains may disappear, and the hills may come to an end, but my promise of peace will not come to an end.”
Your peace will never come to an end? I guess that means it’s already there to begin with. I guess I just need to be ready to receive that. I just need comfort, Lord.
“You poor city. Storms have hurt you, and you have not been comforted. But, I will rebuild you with turquoise stones, and I will build your foundations with sapphires. 12 I will use rubies to build your walls and shining jewels for the gates and precious jewels for all your outer walls. 13 All your children will be taught by the Lord and they will have much peace. 14 I will build you using fairness. You will be safe from those who would hurt you, so you have nothing to fear. Nothing will come to make you afraid”
Wow, I guess I’m scared of this whole rebuilding thing for nothing?
What I’ve craved the most recently is validation and wanting to be seen or heard. It’s hard to continue to push through and keep telling yourself truths when it’s a constant struggle to keep anyone’s attention when you’re trying to speak or lead. It’s a constant struggle to not allow myself to withdraw from everyone. I want to withdraw because I want to prevent feeling unseen and unheard.
Even when taking the bold step to say “hey, this is happening and I need things to change because it’s really hurting me”, feels like it’s lost after a couple days.
I feel lost and abandoned.
But, it’s up to me to seek the Lord. His validation.
God is always willing for us to offer our hearts to Him. It’s up to us to give it to him even when things are hard. He wants to tell us everything He’s made us to be and comfort us when we are lonely and hurt.
God’s promises to us are always “Yes”, he’s never gone back on his word and never will.
Sometimes emotions, our own flesh, or the enemy will put into our mind things like “But, are you really sure? I don’t think He said that.”
But, we have to believe in God’s promises of love and hold onto them so tightly. And never let go.
