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Words of Affirmation is my love language. I want to be told almost constantly that I’m doing something right.
I get hurt when I don’t hear what I want to hear. I make myself hurt.
I beat myself up for whatever I didn’t do right. 
 
It’s a lot of “what if” “why not” and “I wish”
 
I make myself a victim in almost any situation. I feel left out, unimportant, mostly forgotten.
I push myself away from others when I begin feeling these things. I can’t be around people who don’t want to be around me right? If no one shows the slightest interest in me then its automatically downhill from there. 
 
We had a day of activation last week. Activation is a day to trust in a different gift that God has given us (we’ve learned about identity, healing).
I was feeling particularly, victim-like. Meaning I was feeling insecure and hopeless. 

Our leader, Gabe, who was preaching, asked everyone who felt convicted to come to the front.

I sat in my seat and cried instead. 

In my head I could hear the Lord saying “let go”.

Ok, but what the heck does that mean? Why am I crying right now? I was crying to him. I wanted some sort of physical comfort. Marielle, one of the leaders, appeared almost out of nowhere, and loved on me.

She kept repeating, “you have to give up this shame”. Then I realized.

I can’t continue living the way I do.

I can’t keep agreeing with shame and disagreeing with who the Lord says I am.

In no way, has the Lord made me lonely, annoying, broken, or anything that isn’t life-giving. 

I’ve given up living that way. I was tired of feeling hurt and lonely all the time. Marielle gave me the word covered (and guess what? I was given the word Covered about 3 years ago, shout out to Tyler Folsom) 

God’s forgiveness and grace is enough to cover you now and forever. 

Let me share with you a note I was given: 

“Hailey, 

My precious beautiful daughter, who I couldn’t love more than I already do if I even tried. I want you to know that you are completely seen, even the parts that you hoped that no one would ever look at, yet you are completely loved. I love you exactly for who you are in this very moment. There is nothing more you can do to make you more worthy of my attention and love. You are my daughter and that is enough.

You are not alone, ever. For I am with you, always. I am here, forever and always, giving you my full and upmost attention. Let me love you, for there is nothing I enjoy more than getting to love my precious children.

I delight in you my dear Hailey. 

Don’t ever doubt that.

With all my love,

Your Heavenly Father”