I’m sitting here, a mixture of tears and snot streaming down my face as I gaze out at the glorious mountains.
I’m grieving the sudden loss of our cute friend, Cookie and the Father is speaking to me.
I’m crying hard trying to find words or thoughts or anything but tears but all I have are my sobs.
God, is this how you feel when your children are in pain?
I received a text a couple of days ago from my mom saying Cookie got hit by a car and his injuries are bad.
I turned my phone off the whole next day because I was afraid of a message I might receive informing me of the worst.
I woke up this morning to a message saying the decision was made to put him down.
Immediate tears.
But I’m laying in my tent with a teammate a few feet from me.
I go inside the house to maybe have a good cry.
Another teammate.
I sit there for a while trying to silently process this…it’s 6am.
I know there is a flood about to pour so I grab my tennies and head outside to sit and gaze at the mountains.
I wanted to be reminded of my Father and Creator while I grieve.
I take a seat and just surrender to the emotions building up inside me.
I can’t help but think about the pain my sweet puppy was in leading up to his passing.
My mind can’t help but recall of those sweet memories as we went on countless runs and walks together. Or the sweet wag of his tail and smile when I pulled up to the house.
You see, just 3 months ago we had to put down our other furry friend and I guess I never grieved that fully.
I really felt silly crying so much over a dog but God is so sweet with me. He showed me a piece of His heart in my sweet puppy dogs.
He is loyal. He is always waiting with open arms, tail wagging, and a huge smile when we pull up to His house. He loves to go on adventures with us. He loves to just run and play with us. He loves to sit with us as we are still.
I see my Father’s heart in my sweet Takari and Cookie.
But also, as I think about the pain I feel as I grieve I can’t help but think about the pain our Father feels as we run away from him. And I can’t help but wonder about the massive heartache He may feel when one of His children passes in pain without reconciliation.
So that’s where we come in.
It fuels my fire even more to love people as Jesus loves them. They are His children. We are His children. And He loves us so. He loves us a hundred billion times more than I love my sweet dogs which is a TON.
Wow, God. Thank you even in the midst of grief and pain, you remind my heart that you see me, know me, and love me so deeply.
In the midst of difficult situations, I have to constantly remind my heart of the truths of God and that He truly loves me so. It doesn’t remove the pain but softens the sting a bit. I know that He sees me and hears me. I know that He is good. And I know that nothing is wasted and that He works all things together for good.
“So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose. For he knew all about us before we were born and he destined us from the beginning to share the likeness of his Son. This means the Son is the oldest among a vast family of brothers and sisters who will become just like him.”
Romans 8:28-29 TPT
