It’s been awhile, huh?
I’ll be honest, I have sat in front of my computer countless times beginning a blog of any sort. I wrote some on what it’s been like for me at home; some on what God has been doing in my life since I’ve been back; some about life in general. Yet none of them seemed right.
The words just didn’t come alive. Until today.
Here I am, home for more months that I can even imagine. I have flashbacks of life back on the Race, life traveling the world and wonder when my next chance will be to get out there. To go and do whatever this calling is that is in my life.
I spend breaks scrolling through my Instagram, Twitter, Facebook watching my friends around the world transform into the amazing human beings that God has created them to be. I keep tabs on which country what squad is in to remember to pray and to see if we’ve been to the same places.
It’s fun. It’s different. It’s weird being on this side of the lens. I used to be the one posting pictures of beautiful beaches around the world. Posting pictures of crazy foods we were eating. Sharing stories of amazing people with smiles that make your heart patter faster. Now I’m the one reading them.
As I sat in my room this evening relaxing from my day, I looked over at my bookcase and saw all of my many travel books. I was struck by the thought, “When am I going back out there Jesus?”
It’s a question I have been holding off on asking because to be honest, I’m scared of the answer.
What if Papa calls me out right now?
What if Papa calls me to the bush-bush of Africa where I have to use a squatty the rest of my life?
What if I never get to see my family again? (though I doubt this would happen, it was still a thought)
How long will I be called away?
Where is Papa calling me, will I like it?
Who is He calling me to work with?
They were swarming in my brain and I finally asked Papa “When is it going to be my turn?”
You know something that will truly never get old; when you ask, you will receive (Matt 7:7).
I felt my heart stop pattering, it slowed to a peace. A weight went off my shoulders, I knew my desire was heard.
I heard the sweet whisper that spoke: “My little bird how you long to fly. You have flown farther than your heart knew it desired and wishes to continue. Each little one must come back to the nest to rest, rest in Me. Adventure is always out there my love, let it come to find you. I called you into this season, it may be longer than what you originally thought, but know I have you here for a reason. Every season is for a reason.”
My heart continued to slow as the wind kept calling my name. “Sunshine, just wait and see what I have in store for you.”
I still look at my books, my wall, my photos, my journals and long to go back, back out to the wandering world that is outside my front door.
Here I go, staying where I am at the moment, perhaps a larger radius than what I was giving myself before, but I will continue to live every moment to the highest that I can. I will make each moment into a memory. I will smile, let my heart smile wide and love where I am. Yes, parts of my soul will still long for the beaches, the smiles and faces overseas, but I know that I one day I will be back out there. That one day might come next week and it might come next year. It will come and darling, I can’t wait for it.
Until then, with all I do, I will do in Love. 
