Those three words have power. They can mean, I'm not a perfect student, I'm not made to be perfect, or even when I realized them, I don't have to be perfect.
Last month in Haiti God and I began to have some really deep talks. Some of which the outcome kept me awake at night where others I was able to heal from more quickly. On our last morning in Haiti before we left for Costa Rica, Papa and I were spending the morning together with a beautiful sunrise and a cup of delicious coffee. He told me that I didn't have to be perfect or strive for perfection and performance. As I wrote these words down in my journal I didn't know what they meant until Papa took me down memory lane.
I realized I set bars for myself that I felt like I had to reach. Even back in elementary school I wanted to outshine my brother and his grades, and it was that way as I got older too. My friends who were wonderful in school or had perfect attendance, I tried to reach that as well. It was all a out getting the best and being the best In a way. I would place friends accomplishments in front of me and work toward them and better, like how fast one can run a mile, a grade they got on a test or paper, making the Dean's list, likes on Instagram. Anything became comparison and I turned it into me trying to reach 'perfection'.
As I began to work through this before breakfast and on the start of our car ride, I asked God another question: "What am I supposed to wrote about this month?" He told me I already knew. I began to think about and realized this potential blog was terrifying to write. I was going to write about how I am broken, not perfect. 'Why?' I asked Papa, this seemed like something I would never write, never want people to see. And that is when it struck me.
You see, you, whomever you are reading this right now, I am about to tell you my life and be vulnerable with you. I didn't want to write this blog because its not simply showing one side of the story,it's showing me in a vulnerable state. Not me on the mission field, but a result of growing closer to my Father.
I am not perfect. I am broken. Jesus is the glue to recreate me.
I no longer have to strive to reach any bar that is set expect for the one with the label Princess of the King of Kings. And that one, for that Crown, I am called to be myself, which I am going to begin to walk in more fully.
I am a daughter of the most high, with scars on her heart from her past and cracks that need mending. I am beginning to be remolded and retaught who I am with a new bar set, which is none in this lifetime time.
I'll admit, this 'perfection' bar is hard to understand, realize, and wrap my head around. But I wasn't called on the Race because I had my whole life figured out. Much to the contrary, I was called to relearn who I am as a daughter.
I don't have to be perfect, strive to reach any bars, or conform. I am me, the one He called me to be.
