I had an epiphany the other day.
As my team and I went with our hosts on a home visit to have fellowship, laugh, hear testimonies, pray and dwell together, I was surprised to find Jesus teaching me a lesson on love and intimacy.
I know what you’re probably thinking.
Why would I be surprised that Jesus would teach me about love? I’m on a missions trip. It’s everywhere, isn’t it?
You see. I felt like I once had love figured out. I thought I understood the vast mysteries of what’s held within the corridors of this act that instigates humans to live a full life.
I suppose you could say that I was being shown a tiny nugget more; Jesus graciously stooping down to teach me yet again another angle in the complexity of love.
It’s everything but simple. Nothing about Gods love makes sense. Especially when it comes to Him loving us. And to make matters more intricately woven, I often get tangled when I am trying to love others, extend grace, and forgive like Jesus asked us to do when He ascended to Heaven. I have already concluded that my tiny human brain will never be able to fathom His love that he has for me and for His masterpieces.
Have you ever felt your heart physically ache? I’m not talking about heart burn. I’m talking about when Jesus gives you a sliver of His tangible love, inside of your heart. Maybe it aches for another human. Maybe it aches for a country, the government, an organization or a situation.
I have a gift that He generously bestowed upon me and quite frankly I have a love hate relationship with it. I love big and I love deeply – at least that is what the ones closest to me have affirmed in me. Extending love is something that I find joy in and believe that no human should be shafted in.
However, when you are someone that loves so incredibly deeply, you often end up in situations where you can physically feel the burn in your soul. Sometimes it’s out of heart break. Sometimes it’s out of an overwhelming joy and love you have, that is so strong that it can’t be contained in the confinements of an emotion – causing it to drift into a physical ache.
Through the flamey ache, you often get a glimpse into how Jesus yearns for someone or something. It really is a beautiful privilege to peer into that window with Him.
As I sat on this floor in a 6X6 Cambodia home, my heart set aflame. It caught me off guard. It was as if everything else in the room came to a screeching halt. My peripheral vision blurred, causing my eyes to obtain a tunnel vision focus on the married couple that was sharing their testimony.
I couldn’t help but notice the way he looked at her. His eyes soft, filled to the brim with a tender love. His crooked grin that easily displayed his joy that he experienced while walking through life with her. He listened and watched with delight as she explained their story.
She sat to right of him, glancing over to him throughout their story – meeting him in his eyes as if to say “l love you. I will love you through it all.”
He gently offered more details when her brain fuzzed out and a presence of peace orbited around the stories that they had made, even though they had been through heavy rain together.
It’s was incredibly beautiful. The both of them displaying a love towards one another that has been aged and marinated through trail, victory, patience, and pursuit.
See, when he first laid eyes on her, he immediately fell in love with her, but he didn’t know Jesus yet. She invited him to church with her and after 2 weeks of attending, he asked her to marry him. Long story short, she asked him to walk with Jesus and know Him intimately before she married him.
Two years. You must cultivate a relationship with Jesus for 2 years, she said. So for two years, he attended church every Sunday and fell in love with Jesus. At the end of it all, he got to marry the woman of his dreams because he was faithful and patient; fighting for the two of them and laying her down at Jesus’ feet.
They’ve been happily married for 23 years now and have two beautiful children.
I wish I could tell you every juicy detail of their story as a couple and as individuals because it is absolutely amazing and utterly beautiful at how redeeming their walks have been together with Jesus. But we would be here all day.
In the moments of my epiphany, I realized just how important we are to one another. How lovely it is when you fall in love and walk through heaven and hell together.
This couples love was the epitome of a sacrificial love; laying one another before the King, serving each other, enduring together, worshiping as one body, united in grace and forgiveness and tied together with a commitment to overcome – to triumph over the odds that the world pressed against them.
My tear ducts began to well; a byproduct of witnessing a different realm and angle to Jesus’ love that He implants in each of us and permits us to chase.
We love because He first loved us. He instilled in us a thirst for love. Not to always love out of emotion but also out of choice. If we only loved out of emotion, we would never make it through life with a lasting, deeply planted relationship. We would be so wishy washy with our love that we would never experience the deep love that comes first from intimacy with our King, then with another human being.
Standing with people through all the sticky yuck does something in the heart. It plants a seed. A seed that grows into a tree and bears the sweet fruit of love, trust, grace and intimacy.
I suppose you can say that my heart melted when I witnessed this marriage portray a feasible example in Christ’s love towards one another. My heart grew exponentially for not only them, but for all of my relationships in my life.
It’s my biggest aspiration, goal and desire to love like Jesus loves. To extend grace and forgiveness like He did for me and my messy self. I make mistakes and I fail everyday, but that never changed the way He loves me.
If Jesus loved this intimately and intentionally, then why can’t we?
I’m sure thankful for a God that is continuously refining and setting me free from captivity. It enables me to see where and how I can be released to love like He.
1st John 4:16-21 ESV
Vanny and Samphoan
