The morning started off normal. My alarm went off at 6am, I hit snooze 3 times, drug my bum off my sleeping pad and made my way to the nearest coffee shop, which is approximately 10 steps outside my door. #thisisasia #selfcontrol
This past week, Jesus has answered my prayers with waking me up earlier to get a solid start on my day. Long story short, I had been feeling incredibly plagued with waking up in the mornings and I have been praying for over a year that His Spirit would wake me up to be with Him. So I was/am pressing incredibly deep to BE with Him more intentionally and He was/is faithful to answer.
Held within these mornings, He has given me many little nuggets and I have found that my spirit is wiggling around for the rest of the day. I LOVEEEEE it! #canigetanamen
However, there has been something different in my times; an air that isn’t usually present. It’s feels as if He is dropping hints to what He wants me to carry out in many different facets.
Things like, abandon your whole pack, (not really sure if I am hearing that clearly haha), you started with no shoes just for 3 months, but now I want you to do the rest of the race barefoot, you aren’t ever gonna be perfect my child, so just let the imperfections slip away and seek my heart, prayer…practicing prayer will pull you closer to me, read….read, read, read, intercede, drop the negativity, seek beauty, occupy your lane and finally….fast.
My soul concludes that this is happening because I have begged Him to push me. I don’t like being comfortable in my faith because I don’t feel challenged. And when I am not challenged, I don’t feel like I am moving forward with Him.
I would rather, be challenged and uncomfortable than stagnant and cozy. That’s just my personal preference though and obviously I am aware that there are restful times in my walk. However, when the Spirit is so actively stirring inside of you, you need to look into that and see what He is asking of you to do.
So we are gonna touch on that last nugg…..fasting. To honest, I don’t really care to fast. I like to do it for others every once in awhile, but I don’t like to not eat. Cause lets be real, I love my food. All of it.
However, whenever fasting is pressed against my heart, I feel the Spirit move around and I’m talking like He is really pushing around inside my soul.
If I really lean into it, I can see the truth, but most of the time, I like to choose the option of, “nah. I wanna eat. I’ll pray in between each bite”.
Don’t judge, you know everyone thinks that – they just don’t admit it. I’m pretty sure 90% of people would rather delight themselves in food, than fast.
So I hear Jesus pressing that I should be fasting more, at least a few times last week.
Then, yesterday morning, my sweet teammate, Racquel tells me that she needs to talk to me about something that is weighing on her. As I listen to her tell me about the Fast and Prayer that is being held at Adventures in Missions right now, I feel the Spirit move around; little taps on my heart with every other word that she is saying.
I see her willingness and passion to carry out whatever Jesus asks of her.
If you don’t know this woman, you are missing out because she is incredible and she is hungry for more of Jesus. It’s inspiring and contagious.
We arrive at church and we are no longer talking about it. Service starts. I sit and crack open my journal.
Again, the Spirit provides a gentle tap.
“You are too afraid, Gretch. You have always feared long term fasting. You doubt. You aren’t giving me the chance to prove to you the power that I possess. You are to walk alongside your sister. You are to do this with her. Not for her. For you. For Me and you. Trust me. Please trust me. This is a challenge I can use for you. I will sustain you.”
Well great. My first thoughts were not the most positive – honest moments. #fleshlybattles But only a few seconds passed until I felt the Presence make Himself known again.
“Okay, okay, okay. What do you want this to look like, Jesus? I told you I would do anything for you. I’ve been begging you to possess me. Begging for more. Begging to feel you; to grow more intimately with you. Begging to be pushed. If this is really what you want me to do, then give me peace and clarity.”
40 days, love. You can do it.
“WHAT?!?! Are You kidding me? Come on, I’ve already given my bare feet, now You want my food?”
I made myself human, so that I could relate to you. If I too, as a human, could fast for 40 days, then so can you. Again I tell you, I will sustain you, as our Father sustained Me. Leave your doubt and fear at my feet and I will take care of the rest.
Deep breaths, Gretch, deep breaths. #selfsoothing
A few moments pass, and I write a brief synopsis in my journal. I’m still thinking to myself that this is insane. But oddly enough, at the same time, I had an immense amount of peace.
I decided to take the day to fast, so that I could press into and listen to what He was asking of me. I sought some counsel and chatted with Rocky and my teammates.
The advise and encouragement to me is the following:
“I thought about it some more and got “each day commit to that day without having to commit to all the others. Each day ask God for strength for that specific day.” He may ask you for 40, but he doles out the strength you need day-by-day.”
At the end of the day, it boiled down to this.
I can choose to ignore the call or I can choose to follow through.
I can choose uncomfortability in the flesh, yet receive comfort in my spirit, or I can choose contentment in the flesh and receive blandness in the spirit. I can choose to destroy my doubt and fear or I can choose to be selfish and sit in it longer. I can choose to participate in the Lord’s will for His children, actively praying and pressing in or I can half ass it and go through the motions.
What pleases God more than sacrifice is a humble heart that looks to Him when hardships and challenges are pressed.
This fast is ultimately about me humbling myself at His feet every single day. Allowing Him to show me what I need repentance in. Letting Him answer my questions, shining light into areas where I need clarity and giving Him more access to teach me more wisdom in my innermost place with Him. Interceding for friends, family, our country, the world, missionaries, governments and all of His children.
Here’s to the next 40 days.
Would you consider joining in the month of January, to fast with me and many other brothers and sisters across the States and globe? We have a heart to see the Holy Ghost strike a fire and stir in souls to raise up a generation that relies and moves for the Kingdom. We believe that Jesus is already up to something, but we hunger to see more of that come to life.
For more information about this fast, please click the links below.
Seth Barnes: Founder of Adventures in Missions Blog.
You can also access our Facebook Page where we are all communicating, voicing prayer requests, prayer, inspirations, ect about this time, coming together as one body for Christ’s name!
Psalms 51: 6 – 12 NIV/MSG
