It’s 30 minutes past midnight and the room lingers of stale cigarette
smoke as I take another drag. The TV
blares the sound of techno/remix into the early morning and another gulp of
Golden Brau rolls down my throat. As I stare
out over the train yard in the reflection of the window I see the bar staring
back at me with 2 young women bypassing the time with small chitchat and
another trio of young Romanian men smoking their fags as they continue their
drinking into the night. Just 50 minutes
before I was saying goodbye to the other 2 chords of this 3 chord strand as
they take off for a few days to be together as a married couple.
I now find myself alone for a chance and it
feels freeing. No one to answer to, no
one to share that I need to go to the WC one more time “Can you watch my stuff,
please”, no…it’s independence. I feel
grateful and empowered to do what I want when I want and yet…I feel like there
is more to it. I feel this is only a
season and to enjoy this singleness while it lasts and to grow in it. But alas my heart knows there is more and
yearns for more. As much as I love this independence,
I know I am also missing out on companionship.
This is no new feeling but one that has crept up more often than
not. Once again I fight to keep it at
bay and to know this is only a season but my heart tends to wonder how much
longer this season can last?
