~Acts 2: 42-47
- “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”
If community comes from intimacy with the Lord, why do I feel so alone?
Its hard living with 40 people, yet always feeling like you’re on the outside looking in. It’s not that I’m becoming a hermit or that I’m antisocial; if you know me you know I’m the “social butterfly”, but I just don’t understand why things aren’t clicking here.
If I’m honest, I’m terrified of rejection and being labeled as “needy” so I don’t approach people often. Moving 6 times can do that to you. But in each phase of loneliness, God was there and was my comforter. He was there through Laura in Pittsburgh, Anna and Leah in Germany, and Aubrey in Fayetteville. He’s been there through it all whether I’m willing to recognize it or not.
He’s here too, even if I don’t see/feel it; He’s never left and He never will. I was not given a Spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)
Gracie, be brave, be bold, be confident.
My mentor Kate could give me the easy answers and encouragement my heart is searching for, but God reminded her that sometimes you have to sit in the hard stuff to grow from it. So here I sit, begging God for understanding and crying because the truth sometimes hurts.
I may not make lifelong friends from the race, but I’ve learned the true value of creating and maintaining healthy relationships that will last me a lifetime. It may take 2 weeks, 2 months, or even 2 years, but God has promised me community and He will uphold that promise in His perfect timing.
I have a great peace about what my post-race season of life will be like. I know God will place me where I need to be and where I will grow, but I don’t want to wish the race away just because I have this pre-determined peace. I want to be present. I want to enjoy and experience every moment.
I want to BE HERE NOW.
Lord, I trust you in my waiting. Please give me a patient heart.
Thanks for reading everyone! I’d love prayers for patience, perseverance, and ears to hear God in this time of sitting, listening, and waiting with Him.
Many bendiciones,
Gracie J
