Do I talk about this month of ministry in Guatemala so far? Do I talk about my personal experience with God since my last blog? I mean, it would be selfish to keep talking about myself but this is my blog & people want to know what God’s doing in me too, right? But the people we are ministering to are more important, so am I balancing it all correctly? Do I get super vulnerable and tell you about how I miss home, some days it feels like I’m not making a difference, and more often than not I feel selfish in all this?
Do I get real and tell you about how fundraising kinda sucks sometimes and how my efforts seem fruitless and I’m just tired of trying? God told me to wait on Him. I’ve done that. I’m already past one deadline, with the final deadline approaching. Still $4,000 away. And to be quite frank, I’m just REALLY tired of waiting and my efforts not working. I get this whole faith-building process but hey God, I thought we did that with deadlines 1 & 2. Can it just be done already!?
Do I just paint a pretty picture and hide my struggles? Don’t get me wrong, this experience is more than I could ever ask for & just the mere fact that I get to be a part of this World Race is more than enough evidence of the promises God gave me as a teenager. He began weaving this beautiful tapestry at least 10 years ago. He paved the way long before I could even imagine it & it’s more than the dreams I ever had for myself! I am more than blessed.
I just don’t know what to say. Do my words have weight? Or should I just try to piece together a cool video to show you all that we’re doing this month? Because that might speak more to you than my words can. Should I just delete this blog & start all over? I mean, clearly, my thoughts are all over the place and maybe y’all will just be confused… just give me one more minute.
See, in beginning of this blog I truly had no idea what to say. I just word-vomited all over this white screen & somehow my heart came out with it… or so I hope. God is doing amazing things that my words cannot express.
Ministry is:
-Praying for the lost & seeing people give their lives to Christ… or not. (That’s a whole different topic worthy of it’s own blog.)
-Playing soccer with the people of the community, just sharing the joy and truth of the Father with them. (BTW, never knew I would say that I love a sport, but soccer is legit. <3)
-Painting a church & then helping a pastor’s family move into the basement of said church because they selflessly gave their everything to impact their community with the love of Christ
-Planning a program for the youth of the community
-Lunch with the local police and praying with them, for them, and for their community
It’s hard to pray and it’s hard to serve when oftentimes we don’t see the fruit of those prayers and efforts played out. We must hold onto the faith that in our absence God is still working. It’s not about us anyway. Truth is, God doesn’t need us – He can do miracles and change the world without us but He chose to give us the opportunity to fight for justice, to fight the spiritual battle for those who are too weak to fight themselves. He chose us to be His hands, feet, and mouth piece.
Yet I still have questions but it’s ok to give myself grace because I’m human; therefore, my nature tells me that I’m faulty & fallible. But through the grace of an infallible Christ and through His death, we are freed from our fleshly nature. Romans 3:21-24 tells us this:
“But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
The devil tries to feed me these lies that I’m still inadequate. However, I refuse to believe that. I have been able to let go of hindrances in my life and have sought the Lord more than ever. Let me tell you, it’s true that when we draw near to Him, He draws near to us (James 4:7-8).
Month 1, I wasn’t making intentional time for God. I was so frustrated that at 26 years old I still struggled with my identity and I didn’t know where I fit in on my squad, team, or in ministry. I was struggling with being content with this season of life and finding positivity and joy in the everyday.
Now, in month 4, I continue to press into and seek the Lord when all I want to do is be lazy or run away from Him. In turn, I am content and confident in finding my identity as a daughter of the Most High King – no matter my audience. For once in my life, I can also say that I am happy in my singleness and realize that my singleness is a gift to bring glory to God. I now understand that joy is not something that we control but that joy comes in knowing Christ more. I’ve experienced that joy and can now see others through His eyes of love. For the most part, grumpiness and irritability are behind me but I have my days. You can ask my teammates – the sass gets real with team WYGIG SOUL Sisters! Haha. [Shoutout to Jenny(fer)!]
Though I might not have these amazing metaphors that piece my experience together with words of poetic rhythm, I know that the Lord is doing things in the places and people we visit and I know He’s equally working inside of me. Through these experiences, He is continuing to shape me as a vessel to bring glory to His Kingdom and all I want is to be used of Him. I hold tight to the truth that I’m a part of this body of believers that God chose to use (1 Corinthians 12). My hope is that at the least, you all see the Lord through my words and are encouraged by His truths.
The purpose of this blog is not to solicit donations but I do have to let you all know, I am in need of support! If you have thought or prayed about donating, please consider doing so. We have already passed 2 deadlines that I haven’t met, with the full amount of $16,561 due January 31st. I’m just a little over $4000 away. Patiently trusting in the Lord. Thanks for all your support, love, and prayers!!
Click the donate link at the home page of this blog to help me reach this goal and continue in God’s Kingdom work!
