Picking beans!
The other night I got the chance to be as country as everyone thinks I am (just because I’m from Lebanon, Ohio) thanks to my good friend, Kelsey. I got to help her pick beans!! =D Haha. Truly, it was oddly relaxing and enjoyable. (& the company was pretty funny too)
Instead of picking beans off the bush, her brother had pulled the bushes up by the root – so that they wouldn’t grow back. She explained to me that the beans just keep growing and coming back and coming back – unless they’re yanked up by the root. I thought she meant like once a year – kinda like certain flowers – but she said, “No.” They just keep growing back, all the time.
For the last (almost) 3 weeks, I’ve been trying to write a blog about my Training Camp experience. However, just when I thought I had something to say – ERRR! – HELLO WRITER’S BLOCK! *rolls eyes*
Of course Training Camp consisted of sleeping in tents, physical demand (like hiking and other exercises), bucket showers, weird food, etc.
However, the most impactful things were:
*team building – requiring us to see others the way God sees them, getting out of our comfort zones and being stretched to work with others we might have preconceived notions about
*vulnerability – being transparent with others, letting them know your struggles so that living in community can be a place of building each other up
*sessions on what true poverty looks like & how to combat that – not just coming and leaving things the same way they were
*dealing with forgiveness, shame, guilt, pain, expectations, identity, etc.
*recognizing our giftings & how to steward those well
I could go on & on…
Yet, what I remembered today is that through those times of reflection and stretching, I came to see that I was missing something in the bigger picture.
When we broke into groups to talk about forgiveness or pain, I thought, “I’ve already worked through this with God. I’m not going to dig it back up again.” In those moments, I realized that sometimes it’s ok to be ok.
But when I came home from Training Camp, it’s like the same sins and struggles that I thought I had overcome and worked through months ago came crashing in like a ton of bricks. And the weird thing is, I felt indifferent to it. Indifferent to sin, indifferent to The Spirit. I felt stagnant, not wanting to move forward or even look to the left or the right & that’s a scary place to be.
I’ve been angry about it. I’ve asked why. WHY DO THESE THINGS CONTINUE TO BE A STRUGGLE FOR ME?!
Then God showed me the bigger picture.
Of course, the enemy is going to do everything he can to keep us from moving in forward motion. We can overcome our struggles, battle by battle, but are we really seeking God to show us the core issue & are we trusting Him enough to deal with it?
I like to think of our sins and struggles like that bean bush. We can keep plucking and picking day after day but unless we pull that root up, those beans are going to keep coming back.
Everyone’s bean bush is going to look different. When I stepped back and dug to the core root, I found that I had to pull up and pluck the root of false identity, unworthiness, and mistrust in God. I have to trust that when God says in Isaiah that our sins are washed white as snow, that He sees me as clean when I repent. I have to view myself and view others through God’s eyes and trust that He’s enough. That though I may lack, He makes me whole. Though I feel like I have nothing to offer, He’s made me with certain gifts and abilities that contribute to the body of Christ. I have to not only recognize, but believe that to identify myself as a friend and a daughter of God is enough. <3
