Last Tuesday night the YWAM team that was staying with us had just left and the mattress they used was still in our big room!! I hadn’t slept on a bed in 3 months….So I took advantage of the opportunity. Right before I fell asleep I took out my headphones and set my phone on my sleeping pad right next to the mattress. When I woke up Wednesday morning, I went to check the time, but my phone was gone. I kind of ignored the problem, thinking maybe I set it somewhere else and just didn’t remember. After breakfast I went back upstairs and starting searching for it. I looked around my sleeping area, picking up the mattress and everything I own. I even checked the bathrooms and upstairs incase I slept walked. I looked EVERYWHERE. I was utterly confused. Then my friend, Eliza, who sleeps next to me exclaimed “Bro my bag is missing!”. After searching everywhere for her bag and not finding it, I was even more confused. When we told our ministry host that some of our things were missing she immediately stated that it had probably been stolen in the night. Apparently this event isn’t uncommon. On the second floor, we keep the balcony doors open in attempt to make our room, full of girls, a little cooler. Someone had hoped balconies and come into our room while we were sleeping. Eliza and I sleep right by the door. They grabbed her bag with her laptop, phone and wallet all inside as well as my phone and headphones.
I feel like I shouldn’t be upset. Its just a phone right? Such a materialistic thing. But I felt violated. Someone was in our room while we were sleeping, a complete stranger, a foot away from me. I couldn’t have prevented the situation though. It wasn’t a lack of common sense on my part. I was going to sleep, in my home, somewhere that Im suppose to feel safe. Do you think about locking up your phone each night or do you just set it on your nightstand?
This whole situation was hard for me to process through. It instilled fear. I couldn’t sleep the next few nights, waking up at every sound. It has been a mix of emotions. After it first happened a group of us prayed and I said that all I wanted was for Gods kingdom to be brought through this situation. For the thief to maybe feel convicted and find Jesus, maybe even give me a chance to tell them about Gods forgiveness and grace and all about who He is. But then I started feeling sorry for myself that I can’t even take pictures of my last week in Battambang, or listen to music when I run, or all the podcasts I downloaded or easily contact people from home. I felt guilty, not wanting to tell my dad who is still paying off the new and now stolen phone. So many thoughts racing through my head….Was all this God trying to tell me that I hold my phone above Him? But if so, did He really need to do this to get my attention? Is praying to get my phone back selfish? If it somehow gets returned am I going to use it for my own selfish desires or to spread kingdom?
It was a lot to battle with. Satan can and will use any situation, big or small to attack us, to really get in our heads. But if we start to embrace the place God has placed us, we will start embracing the purpose of why He’s placed us there.
Satan tried to use this circumstance to make me question the goodness of the Lord. But lately God has been teaching me so much about His goodness and faithfulness. “The Lord is trustworthy in all He promises and faithful in all He does” Psalm 145:13. The fact that He will keep His promises. That He is who He says He is. Its hard for us to grasp, since we’re surrounded by an ever-changing world. But He is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8) At first its easy to question where God was in all this but He was actually so present. He protected all of us girls, no one got hurt. I usually have my bag next to my sleeping pad but that night I just happened to put it in a different room, keeping my credit card, passport etc safe. He has used it to bring growth and refocus my intentions back on seeking Him through ALL things. Gods goodness still shines through.
While Ive been in Cambodia I have really struggled being able to accurately tell my story. I don’t want to make it seem like Im on some kind of vacation and everything is happy go-lucky all the time because thats not the case. But I also don’t want to make it seem like everything about the world race sucks and is too difficult. The reality is all of those things and none of them at the same time. Its just everyday life with Jesus. There are good days and bad days. There is adventure and boredom. There are miracles and spiritual warfare. But God has been challenging me and repeatedly telling me that MY STORY MATTERS. That I need to start sharing with anyone and everyone. Not just about my experiences here in Cambodia but even more importantly, the gospel. (Romans 1:16) I don’t think its coincidence that as soon as Im ready to be obedient to the Lord, Satan stepped in.
But here is some truth that Im clinging to: “Those who hang onto worthless idols turn away from God’s love for them. But I, with shouts of grateful praise, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed, I will make good. I will tell everyone ‘Salvation comes from the Lord’ “ Jonah 2:8-9
I don’t need my phone to share my testimony. You can have it, it has the capacity to become a worthless idol in my life anyways. So instead of being angry about this situation I will come to the Lord with grateful praise, I have so many things to be thankful for. And the vow I made to dedicate these 9 months solely to bringing Jesus to Cambodia, Ethiopia, Nicaragua and Costa Rica, I will make good. I will declare to all the nations that Salvation comes from the Lord and that HE IS GOOD.
