Holy cow, we’re about to finish up Cambodia and I haven’t really blogged too much about Asia at ALL (except for my last blog that touched on just a couple days in Thailand). There have been so many ups and downs that have happened in the past few months. I try to sit and write, but all the emotions are a tad overwhelming so I tend to stop in the middle of a sentence and just walk away.
The struggle. is. real.
Our squad has had it’s fair share of goodbyes throughout this year. In all honesty – it has truly sucked. I don’t like goodbyes; I’m a huge fan of the “see you later” and my favorite saying is “we’re friends – you’re stuck with me foreeeverrrrrr, whether you like it or not!”
And I mean it!
At the beginning of the year, we had 15 people (not including our alumni squad leaders that left us month six, our squad mentor, or wonderful coaches). There were 15 of us that collectively said “YES” to abandoning our comfort in the States for a year to travel and spread the gospel in the most unconventional way. But by month nine, we were down to nine.
The ones that left each had their own story and reason. Some of them were choices, some of them were unexpected, some actually couldn’t do a thing about it. There were times where I was able to process the inevitable goodbye, and there were times where I didn’t realize how sad I was until after they left. It’s literally been a rollercoaster – but it’s a ride with a purpose. Even those that have gone home “early” in our eyes have actually seen how the Lord put them back in the USA at the perfect moment. If they were on the Race, they actually would have missed out on something huge – how crazy is that?
Anyway, in just five short weeks (whoa) I’m going to be in the San Francisco Airport, once again, saying goodbye. This time, all of us are going home. Some of us are going to settle in to new homes and new jobs, some are taking extra time to travel alone or spend time with their family, while others are going home just to prepare to go back out and do all the missions stuff again*.
I’m not ready. Well, okay, I am ready to be home. I miss my people so much! But I’m not ready to be without this little family I’ve spent the past 10, almost 11, months with. All 15 have a special place in my heart that, quite literally, no other person in the WORLD can ever fill.
However, even though I may not be great at goodbyes when it comes to people, you’re foolish if you think I’m not a pro at saying goodbye to old parts of me.
I started this Race as one version of myself and I’m ending it another – friends and family back home, you’re going to see that. I’ll have to reintroduce myself, and that’s okay (it’s kinda exciting!). I thank God for the squad of people that have been here to watch, pray, and help mold me into the person I’m ending this year as.
In South America, I said goodbye to expectations: of myself, of this year, of others. I said goodbye to my definition of ministry and all the striving I was doing to reach it. In return, I said hello to the beginning of freedom and a whole new perspective on life and the Kingdom.
In Europe, I said goodbye to pride. The root of pride stemmed this fear of failure and need for control that I’ve decided I don’t want to water anymore. It’s a weed, it’s ugly, and I don’t have time for that. Instead, I said hello to peace, beauty, and even more dependency on God.
Now, in Asia, I’ve been saying a solid goodbye to bondage: chains to my insecurities, to my perfectionistic mindset, and that fear to failure I just spent months trying to kill. The freedom I started receiving at the start of the year is coming in strong here at the end. There’s been a lot of happy hellos to self-acceptance and confidence in the Lord.
2018…what. a. year.
What are things you’ve said goodbye to, and what are things you’ve welcomed?
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*oh hey, remember when I mentioned people were going home just to prepare to go back out? Check em out & support my people!:
Katey-poo is taking on World Race round 2 with a whole new squad of world changers. I just know she’s going to be such a rock and source of peace for this new group like she was for meeee. I wouldn’t have gotten through a lot of this year without her: katelagerwey.theworldrace.org
Alex & JayHare are returning to Indonesia to pour into the refugee community we worked with there. Their hearts are huge and their lights shine bright..I’m so proud to call them sistersss:
Support Jordan here: https://www.gofundme.com/a-race-for-the-refugees
Support Alex here: https://www.gofundme.com/indonesia-bound
