“In exactly two months to the day I will be on a plane from DFW to Ft Lauderdale…and then from there on to Colombia.
Am I really ready for this?”
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So, I actually wrote that little bit on November 12th. I’ve been procrastinating in writing this blog because I honestly don’t think I’m ready. I don’t believe that I’m ready. And I tell people that I’m not ready as a way to mask my insecurity with an “honest” façade. I left those two sentences sit in a Word document for days because I just didn’t know how to write about it all.
A couple weeks ago, I was at my church’s monthly young adults service. During worship we sang Josh Baldwin’s song Abraham (If you haven’t heard it yet, do yourself a favor and play it along with the lyrics I’ve shared below, it really does make a difference). Basically, the entire song put into beautiful words my entire inner, spiritual struggle:
“There is a mountain in between / What You have said and what I see
Standing before this offering / My failing heart will fight to believe
On this altar, on this road / You have called me from my home
The weight I carry is not my own / Spirit move this heart of stone.
How can I walk in my new name / Father of many, the promise You gave
On this altar, on this road / I lay down my flesh and bones
Here on this mountain I have climbed / Wrestling doubts that flood my mind
When ashes and dust are all that remain / will hope for the World still come from my veins
I will sing out until I believe now / You are faithful to carry me”
I was wrecked.
Seriously… shaking, sobbing, rocking side to side, & snot running while I stand in the middle of a long row of occupied seats with no way out and no control. It was just me and Jesus, with His arms wrapped around me in assurance that I was going to be alright. Sometimes it’s like He whispers things in my ear, and I always know it’s Jesus because I’m soooo not smart enough to come up with some of the things He tells me on my own. Anyway, in those moments I kept hearing Him tell me: “You are ready. YOU are ready. I’m going to take care of everything, but it’s YOUR job to just trust me.”
I’m a firm believer in the power of words, especially in one’s self-talk. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.” If I keep telling people I’m not ready, then I will never be ready. But if I repeat what the Lord has told me, that I *am* ready, then on January 12th I will be.. even if I don’t fully believe it right now. If you don’t believe me, then I dare you to join me on this. Speak positive, bold, courageous, God-given identity things over your own life, and watch how you begin to become those things that you claim in His name.
Let’s start now:
I. AM. READY.
What are you claiming?
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There’s another part to this story that I’ll post soon. I didn’t want this blog to get too long, but I wanted to update everyone on how the Lord is already working in my life and preparing me for the Race! I’d love to know your thoughts on all of this, and I can’t wait to share Part 2 with you all <3
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