Jesus, I’m falling in love with you. This is no special time I’m realizing this. I’m not looking at anything special. I’m not in a special atmosphere. I’m sitting in bed, blankets covering my legs, looking out the window at the barren town. I’m listening to sweet worship music that sings your praise again and again. Recently, I have just seen more and more of your qualities that make me stand in awe. Yes, complicated, structured words can be used to describe you, but most times I think the simplicity of the words that can be used to describe you is so special. You are kind. Wise. Giving. Caring. Funny. Strong. Thoughtful. Attentive. A good listener. Patient. Welcoming. Friendly. Bold. Gentle. Warm. You are love. You are all of the good things. Not a day goes by that you don’t cross my mind multiple times. I just always want to be with you. I want my time to always be spent with you and I always want to give you glory. I can’t go a day without noticing your love for me. I never stop messing up, yet you always continue to accept me with open arms when I come running back to you. You don’t ever shame or condemn me. You fight my battles. You don’t want me to walk through my pain alone. You feel it with me. You love me more and harder than anyone ever could. You know me inside and out. You constantly look longingly at me. Who am I to ever get mad at you or believe even for a second that you don’t care about me. That you don’t listen to me. That you don’t love me. You love me in ways that I often am not able to even recognize as love. I find it amazing that you care about every single part of me. If it weren’t for you, pieces of myself would be left deserted and dusty because all I notice about myself is areas that the World praises. I see pieces of the puzzle, while you see the puzzle complete. I think “Well if I just have these pieces, then I will be able to have enough of the puzzle complete so people can see what the image is.” But you say “Well what about all of these pieces that have just as much significance? These pieces that were designed by the same creator? These pieces that add so much more beauty to the puzzle if you would just take the few extra moments to align them with the other pieces? You don’t have to rush anything, my girl.” What final destination am I trying to reach for myself that is so special that I’m trying to rush your pace Jesus? You see me through and through. You know the final destination, and that is in your throne room with you. So as long as you have my feet placed on this earth, you still have work to do within me. Often times, the way I view our journey together is that I get the opportunity to walk with you on this earth. I get to go at a slow pace, leaving a lot of room for a flood of emotions to be felt fully and embraced. By walking, you allow me to take a long hard look at things. You allow room for stillness. You allow me to spend a little more time in moments, whether I want to or not. You allow room for growth. You allow me to have a party in honor of you. You allow me to sit and cry when I’m grieving. We are in no rush on our walk together. I can try to run, thinking I know better. Believing I’m okay on my own. But I won’t get far because in this world, I am too weak on my own. But when I reach the gates of Heaven, I CAN run! I can run in freedom! I can run in joy! I can run with you and know without a shadow of a doubt that I am finally home. I can’t believe that I get to love and be loved by the creator of the world. That the same God that created light and darkness, created me. How is it that you look at me and see just as much worth and importance as someone who has been far more faithful and obedient than I have? How is your love for me independent of my actions? Lord, you are astonishing. Here I am before you Jesus, surrendering all I have and all I am. I’m ready to begin this chapter of our love story together.
