hello friends.
I feel like these last couple of weeks have put me through the wringer. Coming back to school has been tough. It’s super difficult to find purpose in the classes that I’m not the best at. One of my assignments for a seminar that I am currently in, is to create a four-year plan of what classes I’m going to take and when I’m going to take them. SUPER OVERWHELMING. Don’t get me wrong, I love to plan things out, and know exactly when something is supposed to happen, but seeing the list of glaring red tasks I have to complete in order to enter the ‘real’ world, is terrifying. So, if you were looking, you could’ve found me on Monday afternoon between the hours of 10am-2pm sobbing on my parents’ couch, in a full-blown anxiety attack. My wonderful parents listened to my complaints, and did their absolute best to help me find a solution. I had mentioned changing my major for a 4th time, and maybe I just wasn’t in the right place doing the right thing, and why wasn’t this easier?? God told me VERY clearly in Nepal what my future holds, but He didn’t mention what Biochemistry elective courses I should take in the next couple of years. My mom kept telling me that this is just a ‘means to an end’, but that’s difficult to process when you’re searching for an answer that is more along the lines of ‘it’s okay, Grace. You can drop out of college and move back into the basement and not work. We’ll take care of you.’ Life doesn’t work like that, though-as much as I wish that it did.
I finally had to drag myself out of my puddle that I had cried into the cushions, suck it up, and head back to Kirky Turkey (my fun nickname for Kirksville). It really wasn’t until I started typing this blog out that I remembered something Drew had told me last week (sidebar- Drew is leaving for G42 on September 6 {FRIDAY} so please keep him in your thoughts and prayers, and see my last blog for his website info if you’d like to support him in any way!), Drew said that finding your purpose is a lot like God inviting you to dinner. He invites you into His home, into His dining hall, seats you right next to Him at the table that is spread with every dish you could ever think of! He then hands you a plate, and tells you to eat. Stay with me, because this is where it gets good- God treats you with respect. He doesn’t take your plate from you, and serve you all the ‘correct’ dishes. The Lord trusts you. There are infinite amounts of combinations that you could concoct on your plate, but He just wants you to eat with Him. No matter what you’re putting into your body, as long as it is from God and with God, it will nourish you.
There is no ‘correct’ way for me to get through this chapter of my life. The only wrong way would for me to turn from God. As I was driving back, a post popped up on my timeline on Facebook that says,
“your calling is going to crush you. if you’re called to mend the brokenhearted, you’re going to wrestle with broken-heartedness. if you’re called to prophesy, you’re going to struggle to control your mouth. if you’re called to lay hands, you will battle spiritual viruses. if you are called to preach and to teach the gospel, you will be sifted for the wisdom that anoints your message. if you are called to empower, your self-esteem will be attacked, your successes will be hard fought. your calling will come with cups, thorns and sifting that are necessary for your mantle to be authentic, humble and powerful. your crushing won’t be easy because your assignment is not easy.”
How many times have I said that when we ask, the Lord answers??? I am continuously astounded by the ways the Father reveals Himself to me, and thankful that He speaks so clearly. Spiritual warfare is real, people. Satan will attack you 10x harder when he knows you’re close to God. Do not be discouraged by your circumstances. Perhaps you are just in a storm in-between two miracles.
all of my love,
grace
p.s. I finished my four-year plan. Take that, Satan.
