Hello there, and thanks for coming back for round 2!
This past week has been super busy with getting back into the swing of classes, and being responsible for myself again, but I am glad to be back on campus. I have been struggling a lot with trying to plan out due dates, blocking out study times, and also trying to find some free time to decompress. This weekend, while I was stressing about finding all this nonexistent time in my schedule, I decided to give up momentarily, and sit down to crank out some of my World Race requirements. As part of the fundraising for my trip, I have to complete a 9 lesson Fundraising Course- with the purpose of preparing my heart, and mind for this humongous task. I am a {tad} bit behind schedule, and made it to Lesson 2- a Spiritual Readiness Bible Study. I really didn’t know what to expect because I am not usually the best at sticking to structured Bible studies, but as soon as I started to read this one, I knew it was speaking to me on some pretty deep levels.
This lesson was all about the lies we, as humans, have adopted as truths. The second major ‘heading’ was titled “Rejecting a spirit of ANXIETY or WORRY“. HOLY COW this one hit me in the gut! {God moment} I had to read Philippians 4:6-7, (which actually is part of a song we sang during Bible School one year, so of course it has been stuck in my head ever since), and I had to ask myself where I struggled with putting these words into practice. I physically laughed out loud, because I honestly could not think of a part of my life that I was not constantly stressing over. I am anxious about who I will sit with at every meal, and if I will forget to do a homework assignment, or if someone I walk by on campus will think my outfit doesn’t match, but mostly I struggle with rejecting my anxiety about my plans for the future. I am a total control freak and it terrifies me when I don’t have a plan detailing every minuscule detail of my day. Lately I’ve realized that I have given up so much of my true identity to try to find my place in this world. I have spent the last 5 years or so doing things to please everyone around me. I wear certain clothes, say certain things, and act a certain way to fit in with whoever it is that I happen to be around at that moment. Because of this behavior, I have realized that I really don’t know who I am, or what I’m doing here. This is such a toxic way to live, and is a very very easy way to become trapped in the ways of the world.
This passage has crystal clear instructions for how I can give up these anxieties, and it is so simple. God is here for us. He wants our worries, guilt, shame, and mistakes so that He can walk us through these feelings. It is in these times of trouble that we are at our most vulnerable-God knows that, but so does Satan. His word says that once you give these burdens to God, He will provide you with peace. Not only is this meant to take away your sufferings, but also to “guide your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Notice how earlier I bolded every time i used the word I, me, or my. One of the hardest lessons I am learning is the I am not in control. I fail constantly when I’m on my own. God gives us peace, but only when we truly surrender, giving him total control, and allowing Him to rescue us. He will never turn us away, forsake or abandon us. God always has the time and the power to stop our hurting, if we have the time to ask.
So here is to giving up all control, asking for His help, and learning how to become the person God created us to be!
much love,
Grace
