Lately, I’ve been sad.
I’m sure I’m not the only one with this feeling constantly pressing up through the little joys I’m finding in being home. I’m sad about the rest of this semester being cut short socially, I’m sad that people are out of jobs and are struggling to stay warm, full and clothed, and I’m sad that I can’t go to Frisco’s after church on Sunday’s and see Judy in her corner booth.
Mostly, I miss Nepal. I miss my people, I miss the chilly mornings and quiet time spent on Deepak’s front steps listening to Gringo’s snorts coming from his kennel. I’ve been thinking back on my time spent there a lot lately, and it still seems like I just got home a few weeks ago. It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost a year of knowing the kind souls that made up my team.
I think back to the anxiety I felt in the airport in GA, crying to my mom on the phone, and now here I am, desperately wanting to be able to go back to it.
I think back to the exhaustion we all felt when we finally touched down in Kathmandu and were rushed through the airport to smoosh all 14 of us into a van, and here I am, desperately wanting to be able to go back to it.
I can see our team sitting in our customary circle in the living room, reading, singing, coloring, attempting calligraphy, playing cards, or trying to remove Ice Age from my DVD player with a pair of scissors, and here I am, desperately wanting to be able to go back to it.
I miss Vikrum calling me ‘crunchy-girl’, and bucket showers, and squatty potties, and it hurts so heckin’ much to know that those are moments I’ll never get to go back to, no matter how desperately I want to.
I’ve been reflecting a lot since being home, just moments in time and things that I would do routinely that were now disrupted by COVID-19, and I find myself longing for. Some of my favorite memories with my pals have been from sitting in the drive-thru of ‘Crusty-Dons’ (the less-nice McDonald’s in Kirky Turkey), and walking around Walmart for a few hours with my friends after class while my tire gets patched, and sitting on the roof of the TKE house, watching my friends play a competitive game of Bags and listening to tunes from the early 2000’s. It’s crazy to me that these are the things I miss most–the mundane.
It’s been said a thousand times since people have started quarantining, but all of these moments that we’re ‘forced’ to stay inside are opportunities to make some pretty cool memories. Since being in quarantine, I’ve:
-built a porch swing with Austin
-played Clue with my family (and WON)
-snuck out of the house with Abby to go buy some plant babies
-had time to do ~crafty~ things
-went mushroom hunting out at the farm
-caught frogs with AT and Takyrah
-changed my major again (i know, this shouldn’t be a shocker at this point)
-gotten to eat home-cooked meals again
-lived under the same roof as my entire family
These aren’t necessarily ‘huge’ things that have happened, but they’re a ton of small things that wouldn’t have happened without all the chaos. So–from now on, no matter how sad I feel about the things that I’m missing, I’m going to choose to think of the happy, remain in the happy, and live in the middle of the calm and chaos.
-gerce
