Hello beautiful, kind, loving people!
I recently moved back to college (actually less than a week ago lol) and I can already tell that this huge change in me that happened over the summer is not exclusive to Nepal. I can feel {and I’m sure my friends feel it, too}, a huge change in not only who I am, but how I act and what I am doing back on campus.
I’m not going to lie, these few days that I’ve been back on campus have been really rough. Saturday when my parents moved me back into Centennial Hall, which I affectionately refer to as Chall (pronounced CH-ALL, not C-HALL), I cried. A lot. I feel like right now at this point in my life, I am closer to my family than I have been in a very long time. It’s difficult to leave that feeling of security, unconditional love, and really a humongous source of spiritual strength. To be quite honest, I felt kind of thrown into the lion’s den. Back to this place that knows a totally different version of me. Back to friends who know a totally different version of me. Back to all kinds of temptation that I never ever would’ve thought of giving up.
After my parents left Saturday, I went to a friends house to distract myself from sadness for a little bit, and instead of just a couple of my friends being there, a whole crowd of people I haven’t seen since I packed up my car last May, found themselves into a tiny living room, all attempting to put together a TV stand. Thankfully, my friend Lauren and I dug deep, found our innermost masculinity, and conquered the dang thing!! We all ate dinner together, swapped stories about our summer, and then went our separate ways to get ready for the last night of Truman Week
Side bar— Truman Week is the Wednesday-Saturday before classes begin. It’s where the campus is flooded with freshmen moving in, becoming accustomed to their surroundings, and then being completely shaken up when all the upperclassmen arrive on Saturday.
Saturday of Truman Week is what everyone looks forward to. All the fraternities are open, girls get all dressed up, and somehow it seems like most of campus finds themselves oneway or another into a sweaty, smelly frat-house basement. It really does not sound enjoyable, but for some reason (present company included), we venture out and join in on the festivities. This year was a little bit different though. My last night of Truman Week this year began with an ER visit—not for myself, but for a good friend of mine. So, Lauren and I sat in the waiting room for 2 hours while he got checked out, and finally, when he came bursting through the doors, the first words out of his mouth were “Let’s go get drunk!!”
I set a few boundaries for myself when returning from Nepal, and one of them was that I was no longer going to be drinking. This is kind of a big part of my testimony, and it’s a huge can of worms to open right in the middle of this story, so if you would like to meet and get some snacks or something, I would love to share that with you at another time. Moving on- I went back to my room, threw on a sweatshirt, grabbed my Kool-Aid jammer and steak tacos out of my fridge, and went and sat on the porch of my usual fraternity house and just watched. I watched people come in, and stumble back out of the yard. I watched some guys have a debate about if the U.S. should try to buy Switzerland, or some place in Canada. I absolutely loathed myself for choosing to sit there for more than an hour.
I got bored, and headed back to my room. I was starting to feel super lost again. I was used to being a completely different person around my college friends. I had established those friendships with people who knew me to be the one begging people to come out and party with me on the weekends. But that’s not me anymore. My friends didn’t ask me to change, though. Some of them just don’t get what happened to me, why I’m not acting how they’re used to me acting, and that’s difficult for everyone involved.
When I was surrounded by people who built me up spiritually and spoke life over me constantly, it was so so so easy for me to be me. I was missing that community. Those people who just ‘get it’.
The next morning, after a very restless night, I woke up early to a text from my friend that said she wasn’t going to be able to walk to church with me. Panic set in. I didn’t want to show up to the first service alone! What if no one talked to me, or remembered who I was after not seeing them for nearly 3 months, what if I sat by myself, or people who sat near me judged the way I worshipped??? I just decided that I wasn’t going to go. I was going to wait until Wednesday’s service and then my friend would be able to go with me, and I wouldn’t have to face all these things alone. I told myself I needed a day to be by myself and get ready for the BBQ my friends and I had planned, get mentally and emotionally prepared for classes, and I was just going to stay in bed for a little bit.
Right then, Drew texted me. (If you’re not familiar with who that is, check out my last blog post!) He said “Can I talk to you on da telemaphone? Got good vibes to spread”. I loveeee talking on the phone, people. seriously. Facetimes, snapchat videos, regular old plain-Jane phone calls, I’m here for it. So I said, ‘absolutely’.
He talked to me about how he was driving back from his friend Greg’s wedding and he was headed to church and he only had a few minutes left of the drive, but he felt like God was calling him to speak some words over me. He told me that I don’t need to be anxious. I need to lean into the difficult things that are ahead, because really, I’m leaning on God. He told me that God is going to get me through all of the things I’m worried about now, so I just need to ride it out.
HOW DID HE KNOW?????
Y’all, I’ve said it so many times, but God is sooooo good. He hears us. He loves us. He wants us to know that He’s here!! He’s not just with me in Nepal, but when I’m back on campus, back in my ‘normal’ life!
Drew hung up when he got to church, and I knew that was a nudge from God, telling me to get out of bed, and head to the CCF house for service. And thank goodness I obeyed!!!
My pal, Conrad, ended up walking to service through Chall, and trekked that way with me. (First prayer answered—I was not alone!) We had an outdoor service on the lawn, and I got to worship barefoot in an acceptable setting again!!!!!! MOM, YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I became overwhelmed with happiness. I was back around my people! The people that ‘get it’. Answered prayer #2. Now comes the crazy part.
After service was over, I was packing up my lawn-blanket, and a girl with a super familiar face walked right up to me and said “hey, you’re Grace, right?” I knew who she was without even looking at her name-tag. Answered prayer #3 came in the form of a sweet gal named Maggie.
Nearly 3 years ago while attending Student Council Summer Workshop, I participated in an activity where myself and a stranger sat down for a few minutes, talked a little about ourselves, and then we finished the time by writing each other a magic note- just a positive note that they can look back on later down the line. This is Maggie. Maggie wrote me a note 3 years ago, that I have kept, to this day.
It was just so crazy to me that not only A.) she remembered what I looked like, but 2.) knew how she knew me. God brings people into our lives to teach us things. There is no way that wasn’t Him. If I wouldn’t have come to service, I would not have seen her, talked with her, and had that moment of just feeling ‘seen’.
Wow. That’s the tea, sis.
I am going to do my absolute best at keeping this site updated as this semester goes on, but right now {if you’ve stuck with me this long}, I would like to make a request. I need some prayers for peace, but also for the ability to speak up when I’m not feeling heard.
I also need some prayers for my pal Drewbie! I could write a whole entire other blog about Drew’s testimony and how it’s impacted me, which I actually will be doing so soon!! The only twist is that it won’t be featured on here, but rather on Drew’s blog! I will link that below so you can check out his testimony, and why he’s such a rad guy! Please keep him in your prayers as he’s preparing to move to SPAIN in 14 days. He’s taking a huge leap of faith, and I know appreciates every ounce of love and support he receives!
As always, if you have any prayer requests, thoughts, questions, emotional outbursts, I will do my absolute best to love you where you are, and help you find some answers.
All my love,
Grace
