While on the race you learn lots of truths. Truths about your teammates. Truths about living in community. Truths about the world. Truths about God. Truths about yourself.
The truth is, people do not always have the best assumptions, perceptions, opinions or whatever else they may have, about me. People do not always think highly of me when I do something or say something or look a certain way. I’ve found myself more than once having to apologize for unknowingly causing someone pain. I’ve found myself having to explain my heart or my motivation behind my actions in order to be understood.
I do not say this in hopes to win sympathy. I do not say this thinking this is my only truth. I do not say this thinking that this is true for everyone I come into contact with, but it is true for some. There is some truth in this.
This truth has allowed me to be more aware of my audience. This truth has allowed me to check myself before speaking and has allowed me to be quick to apologize when I’ve overstepped. This truth has grown me.
This truth has also silenced me. I have been paralyzed by the fear I hold. Being aware that you are perceived like I can be has caused me to sit in silence. It has caused me to think that if I don’t say anything then I can’t hurt anyone. There is safety in my silence.
But, what do I do when this truth directly conflicts with one of my other truths? The truth that there is power in my voice. I’ve been encouraged to speak out. Encouraged to say the ‘hard things’ time and time again.
So, what can I do with that? How can I use this voice of mine, a gift from God, but avoid the hurt that follows?
A week or so ago I was met with a struggle that is all too familiar to me. The struggle of feeling God pushing me to say something and my push back of not wanting to say it. So, what am I supposed to do when I feel God is telling me to say the ‘hard things’ to my teammates?
The right answer is that God calls for and deserves our immediate obedience. Every. Time.
I knew that no matter how I said it, how lovingly I tried to make my voice sound, no matter what I did, it was going to be taken the wrong way. It would hurt and it would offend. No matter what I did I would have someone choosing to hold onto their perceptions, assumptions or opinions of me. I would have someone choosing to not seek after my heart behind my words.
But, if God is calling you to say something then he deserves your immediate obedience. Every. Time.
So, I said the things. I said the ‘hard things’.
Even knowing my truth. The truth of how my words would be taken. I was obedient. What happened next would be in God’s hands and out of mine. And, through that obedience God opened doors, shed light on the darkness, taught me, comforted me.
This is not the first time nor will it be the last time I say the ‘hard things’ or internally struggle with the choice between speaking or staying silent. Though, there was something different about this time. This time, God began asking me questions…
Whose opinion matters to you? Who knows your heart? Who knows the motivations behind everything you do, think, say?
The answer is always God’s. God’s opinion is the only one that matters to me. God knows my heart. With everything I do, everything I say, it’s God who knows my motivations. I don’t act like that though. I stay silent from the fear of how everyone else is perceiving or assuming of me.
Silence is not an option. God has given me a voice and He has given me the power behind it. God knows my heart and my motivations. It’s time to start acting like God’s opinion is the only one that matters to me.
Whose opinion matters most to you?
