pieces.
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hellllooooooooooo there, my beautiful people.
I’m sorry for the delay with this blog and the fact that I haven’t written one in almost 3 months… Senior year and senioritis hit me way harder than expected.
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Honestly, I’ve struggled with self-worth, anxiety, and shame with these last three months. I’ve been hurting and questioning. BUT HEAR ME OUT…..
I haven’t felt close to God and I’ve just felt like I’ve been coasting. See, I realize that it is really easy to lean on God when the bad stuff is happening;leaning on him for our strength because he’s all we got, but what about when life is going pretty good? When the breakup happened back in November, I don’t think I have ever felt closer to God and more on fire for the Lord. Even in February, I was still burning strong. It has been this crazy, beautiful process. I have never felt more confident in who I am and who God has called me to be, I’ve never been so confident in myself and the way I was created, I’ve been happy.
Yet, I started leaning on my understanding of God. I started feeling more confident in who I thought God was instead of who he actually is.
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I started getting lazy and lackadaisical with my faith and not diving into the word. I got lazy because I thought I was doing just fine, because I’m not surrounded a whole lot by strong believers, so I felt pretty good at where I was.
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH.
BOY, HAVE I BEEN WRONG.
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As a result of my laziness, I’ve been feeling discontent, alone, insecure, and unworthy. I’ve felt like I far away from my Heavenly Father and that has really, sucked. I’ve struggled with temptations and thinking about college and what my future holds. Overwhelmed, doesn’t seem to be the perfect adjective when it comes to trying to describe how I’ve felt. Honestly, I’ve felt a bit lost. Not only has my relationship with God struggled, but so has my creative abilities. I haven’t felt inspired or moved to write. I’ve just felt like I’m coasting. I’m tired, physically, emotionally, spiritually… I’m drained on all levels.
I’ve even made the joke with friends and family that “maybe, I need another breakup, I work better when I’m sad.” Yet, the sad I’ve been feeling is pure discontentment with myself, not my heart is broken type of sad. I’ve even prayed to God for lighting the passion inside of me again, allowing me to have the zeal like I did when the breakup happened.
Oh, how my God comes through… even when it hurts.
God delivered to me some news/info on social media and it hurt. I cried and felt like an idiot, all over again. BUT YOU GUYS, I NEEDED THIS WAKEUP CALL.
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“Why is this blog entitled pieces?”
I’m so glad you asked my internet friend/family/stranger!
After the wakeup call, I asked for, the song “pieces” by Bethel has wrecked me and been such a freaking legit reminder of who God is and his love.
The song talks about how God’s love for us is wild. That it’s unconfined and uncontrolled. That his love is proud to be seen with us. That his love isn’t passive and it doesn’t tease us. Wow. This was so sobering and breathtaking.
It reminded me that God is the constant. He is the variable that is always there and is faithful to us every single time. No, he is not like any person or love we have ever known. He isn’t like what we try to make him out to be, because he is perfect. He is the same, every single day… even when I’m not. He loves me, even when I run away daily and fail him.
What blows my mind about our God is that he willingly gives up his heart to people that will betray him. WHAT’S EVEN CRAZIER? He loves us anyway, even when we’ve strayed away. He loves us where we are, no matter the place we are in our lives.
His love doesn’t change, it’s us that run away and try to create our path and use our own strength.
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This was the reminder that I have been begging for. God is so good you guys, and he is the constant even when I am in such flux. I feel as if I am just scratching the surface of truly understanding God’s love and its depth and that… is so overwhelming ( in the best type of way.)
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God is good guys and I’m really am getting excited about how this whole process is already changing me. I’m still trying to wrap my head around how God truly has worked over these last three years and even these last 18. He is so much better than I deserve. This love… it is changing everything.
I love you all, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for every single person that has plugged into me with everything involving World Race. Your dollars, prayers, and encouragements are what keep me inspired that this is so much bigger than me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Cutting boards and the crate fundraiser will be happening after graduation.
message me for more info!
Tell your friends, families, youth groups, and all of the above!
I need you, even if it is a prayer… I need you.
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With love, messy hair, and a big cup of coffee,
Grace.
