We do home visits sometimes. Home visits are where we go with our shepherds (shepherds are heads at the care points we work at, they are local to each area and know the community,) and go sit and pray over different people in the community. My team had our first home visit to a homestead with a couple houses and a beautiful large purple tree in the back. We sat and prayed over Gogo Aslena. Her daughter, Nelly was there too. Now, Nelly didn’t speak any English besides the basic “hello,” “goodbye,” “yes,” “no,” and “me too.” Neither did Gogo Aslena. Our shepherd had to interpret for us the whole time. Then that’s when I saw it… Nelly had some red yarn and two very worn knitting needles. That’s when I started freaking out. At debrief just a few weeks before I had bought some yarn and knitting needles from a lil craft store in Nelspruit, South Africa. I proceeded to shout “Yebo!! Yebo!!” ( which means yes.) In my excited voice while removing my yarn and needles from my bag. During the home visit Nelly would supervise me and my rows. Telling me “yes” and shaking her head when I correctly transitioned to the next stitch. It was so beautiful because I felt as if I had a piece of home back with me in that moment. Now, hear me out, I’m not good at knitting… at all. I’m self -taught from youtube and mostly just do it to relax me and have something to do with my hands. Nelly then proceeds to tell our shepherd Precious that I must come back and knit with her.
I left that home visit that day feeling the kindness of God and his love and how specific he is to our needs in moments like those. Of all the houses we could’ve gone to… we went to the one with sweet Nelly and her knitting needles.
The story gets better. The next week my team and I go to another home visit. We talk, we sit, we listen, we sing, and we laugh. Home visits always leave me wanting to stay here in Swazi longer. They inspire me and make me want to invest harder and love better in this community of Nsoko. As I am walking back with Precious telling her about my grandmother back home and the food she makes I see my sweet friend Nelly. I run across the big African road and hug her. I show her my progress and she tells Precious I made a few mistakes. I tell her I love her and that I hope to see her again soon.
Then last Friday. What a Friday that was. My team and I went to our care point played with our kiddos and sat and laughed with our shepherd. We then decided to walk to the primary school to buy a fat cake ( basically a fried donut, just not sweet) for 1 rand. We bought some for the workers and other friends. Then as we walked back we pass the clinic and I see Gogo Aslena’s other daughter, Nelly’s sister. This sister was sick during our home visit last time and we also prayed over her. I hug her and talk to her my team decides to walk ahead and go talk with some of the kids at the playground. As I talk with this sweet friend I am overcome with thankfulness. As I leave I tell her “you know I love you!” She giggles and responds with “I love you too!” As I was walking back to the playground the Lord brought me to this realization: You can’t save everyone, but you can love. It is so easy. Just simply loving one another and pouring out with what God has given us. I was overcome with thankfulness as I walked back to sit with my shepherd.
As I was standing and talking to Precious she asks me and points to a woman walking to the clinic and says “Do you know who that is?”
I run to greet Nelly and hug her. It had been over a month since I had last seen her. “NELLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY” I yell and embrace her. She laughs and smiles with the most joyful smile I’ve seen all day.
We walk arm in arm and come to the wooden bench that Precious is sitting on. Nelly begins to talk to Precious. Precious tells me that Nelly has a gift for me. Something that she knitted me so that I will remember Nelly when I go home. I then begin to well up and cry. Tears of utter gratefulness stream down my face. “Thank you! Thank you!” I reply. Nelly wipes my tears and all the children and gogos giggle because of my tears. Precious asks me why am I crying. I tell her “I am just going to miss this place so much.” Precious then laughs and hugs me.
That’s the thing about being a missionary and being completely human. You want to save everyone and fix every problem you see and encounter. You want to clothe all the children with holes in their shirts, you want to help the families that can’t afford to send their children back to school, you want to stop the sexualization and dehumanization of the women, you want to end witchcraft and the false hope and the false doctrine it teaches, but I can’t. I can’t end evil. I can’t fill the holes in people’s hearts that can only be filled by God. I can’t. No matter how much I desire to.
Yet, I can love. I can love so passionately and without filters and fear of not getting anything in return. I can love others because they are pure devotions of God’s creation: and that alone is worth so much love and affection. So, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll love and it will hurt. It will feel as if my heart is being ripped out of my heart; then, I’ll do it again, and again, and again. I will do this because it is what Christ did for us when he willing chose against his human flesh and suffered for us on that cross. I will do this because it what God does everyday when we fail and run. I will do this because this is the purpose of it all… love. It’s that simple.
That day. Magic. Utter and pure magic. God’s hand was over it all. Knowing exactly what I needed and what he wanted to show me. I mostly hear God’s voice through other people. I see the face of God in his children. It is kinda one of my favorite things.
OKAY SO UPDATE ON THIS BLOG….
I was writing this blog this morning after breakfast. I then went down to ministry and NELLY WAS THERE. On top of that, she had her gift for me. It wasn’t a scarf or some potholder. It was a mat. Made of grass and plastic bags. Holy moly. My mouth dropped when she showed me the mat. I gasped at the sight of it all. I then got to spend 20 minutes of quality time knitting with Nelly and talking with her sister.
God has been a part of this story and has known exactly what would happen. Man, his timing.. perfect… always. I got the mat the day before my 19th birthday and I can promise you that it will be my favorite thing I receive this year for my birthday.
That’s the thing about this whole experience of gap year; you never expect what will happen next. I never knew that the Lord would show me such light, love, and utter joy through the act of knitting.
Knitting… who knew?!!?
I love you all and I can’t wait for the year of 19 and all the knitting and love ahead!
Happy thanksgiving!!!.
Love y’all!!
Comment/email me/ message me! ( I get lonely and love getting letters!! Virtual ones anyway… )
