As you can tell from the title of this blog… I’ve got some news.
T H E B I G S T I N K I N’ N E W S :
Over the past four months, God has wrecked my life and my plans. Senior year has brought challenges I couldn’t ever prepare myself for. Through tear stained nights and questioning into the wee hours of the night… God has brought me to something that I never thought was possible. Something I only talked about as a mere dream or something I fantasized about… not something that I would actually get the chance to do.
Let me explain:
The World Race Gap Year is a 9-month program where I will get to serve and spread the gospel in 4 different countries. CRAZY RIGHT??
I’ll be on a squad of about 50 other students traveling to these countries and I’ll be living with a team of 6-8 people. Daily life on the field can look different from day to day. However, our main purpose is to share the love of Jesus Christ and truly be the hands and feet of him. Whether that’s construction work or teaching English at the local school… it all has a purpose!
I will be serving and live in these countries for the 9 months:
Swaziland
Nepal
India
Guatemala
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
Honestly, I didn’t expect this. Not actually. I dreamed and imagined what it would be like to get to take a gap year… This is something I’ve always dreamed of and its happening. All because of my Heavenly Father.
Senior year has been hard, to say the least. Heartbreak and discovery have been the theme I’d say. I never knew a pain like this, and it has hurt. Boy, has it hurt. I’ve wept and wept… About it all. My future, my past, my sins, my mistakes, my future spouse, if I’ll ever have a future spouse, what I’m supposed to do to glorify God, will God take care of me, and why did I have to go through this? I HAVE QUESTIONED AND QUESTIONED. Yet through a lot of conversations with my mom and a lot of late night journaling, I’ve come to this conclusion:
The heartbreak had to happen. I was living in shame and sin. I wasn’t truly living for God. The questioning had to happen. I had to break so that I’d actually have to lean on him… And I mean really lean on him. For the first time, I know what it means to lean and begin to fully trust in him. Without going through the hurt, I wouldn’t be who and where I am today. Without the hurt and questioning, I wouldn’t have gone to church that Tuesday night. I wouldn’t have had that conversation with that sweet stranger who told me I’d be perfect for the World Race. I wouldn’t have researched it and felt the pull of my heart to try. I wouldn’t be here, writing this blog. Without the hurt, I wouldn’t get the chance to do and live out something I’ve dreamed of. The hurt had to happen because now I know what it means to allow God to take control when I clearly can’t take control myself.
I didn’t think I’d be accepted. I mean this program is exclusive and only take 330 students… Could I really be one of them? Not to mention the application process was grueling and tested my faith. I couldn’t see how they would’ve picked me. Yet, when I applied and had my phone interview I laid it all on the table. Sharing my heart and just hoped they might just think I could do this. God opened the door. IN SO MANY WAYS. Sign after sign. Connection after connection. I got accepted.
Honestly, I cried joyful tears when I found out. It felt amazing to know that they saw me as someone who could be impactful on this 9-month experience. Then I started thinking about my bed…. my shower, my dogs, my mom, makeup, facewashes, different clothes, outfits, languages, dorms, sororities, Christmas, birthdays, my grandmother, my car, money, dating, food, spiritual life, etc. I cried every day for a week and a half. I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I DID NOT KNOW. How could I just leave my entire life behind??? I had just started getting excited about going to the University of Kentucky, like actually excited. Then, as I made pros & cons list, it all started to hit me: no matter where I go, it wouldn’t be the easy route because I’d be living differently and for Jesus. Whether it’s cold showers in a third world country or rushing a sorority… following God is hard. Having faith is hard. Believing in something that I can’t touch or see…this is hard.
Yet, through all of the questioning and wondering if this was what I was supposed to do; I began to see how God has been preparing me for this. Through my transgressions, shameful past, and brokenness God has shown that he has been preparing me and my heart for this. I have sinned. I have broken promises to God and failed him… BIG TIME. I’ve turned away from him and doubted him. Yet, through every scar and every tear shed, God, is bringing light to me and my life. God has given me affirmation to show me when I continue to question if giving up my life and what I want for the next 9 months is truly what needs to happen. Whether it was talking to someone just moments before about being worried about the cost and if this was God’s plan and then getting my first donation from total strangers, or meeting and connecting with racers who just got back. God has shown me that this is part of my walk. That having faith is following him, even when it completely terrifies us.
WHAT I NEED FROM YOU: !!! eeeep !!!
I can’t do this on my own; this will be the hardest thing I have done in my life thus far. I’m calling any and all aunts, uncles, teachers, cousins, friends, church groups, grandmothers, local baristas, classmates, internet friends, etc. EVERYONE AND ANYONE. I need you like actually legitimately need you.
I’m not only taking a step out in my faith for leaving home and everything I’ve ever known but also I’m stepping out in faith for the costs of this financially. I’m stepping out in faith because of the cost of this trip; I have to raise 15,800 not including personal living funds, gear, and other expenses. I’m intimidated by this amount, it sorta haunts me in my dreams, yet I’m trusting. Fully and completely. I have seen that God always provides and I believe he will do the same by placing people in my path.
Whether that’s 200 people who donate 79 in monthly payments, or 15 people who donate 1,053.33 each, in monthly payments, or someone donating 2 dollars with the spare change they find in their car… it doesn’t matter how much, what matters is you and your heart!
Yes, I need dollars. I need quite a few, haha. However, I don’t just need dollars… I need people. By investing in me, you aren’t just impacting one life, but multiple and you are helping advance the kingdom.
So, I hope you’ll pray and consider giving sacrificially, whatever that may be for you!
I also need you to share my story! Whether that is on social media or through church or social functions, please just share my story and my mission.
RECAP & THANKS:
I’m scared. Beyond scared of how this is going to change my life. Yet, I feel this pull to sacrifcally live so that this can help shape me into the woman I’ve always dreamed of becoming and the woman God wants me to be! I don’t have all the answers and I’m not the perfect person. I have been broken. However, I firmly belive in the power of God’s unfailing and never-ending love for us, and how through his love… we can do all things, even when they terrify us.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
I can’t tell you what this means to me that people actually want to hear about my story and what God is doing. I just want to look back on my life and know I lived big and boldly for him and his glory because these days are numbered.
I’ll see you next fall (2019) the University of Kentucky and just know that I’ll be screaming “GO CATS!!” on every bus ride through Swaziland, on every mountaintop in Nepal, in every monkey temple in India, and every village in Guatemala.
With love, brokenness, healing, messy hair, and a cup of coffee,
Grace Davis??
Psalm 13:5, Isaiah 54:4, 2 Corinthians 4:8-11, Hebrews 13:5-6, 1 John 4:18, Romans 8:18.
