D e a r
F u t u r e
M e ,
Hi. At this point, you’ve launched and you’re officially on the field. You’re a real life missionary now. Wowza. Africa… you live in Africa. How insane??!!! This time last year you were stressing about where you’d be going to college… God’s a funny dude, huh.
I’m writing this letter to you 7 weeks from launch. Two days after returning from the 10 days spent in Gainsville, GA for training camp for the race. Needless to say, at the moment, I feel like I don’t have a lot to say, but I have a lot on my mind. Training camp broke me in so many new ways and quite honestly, I’m still processing what exactly just happened.
Training camp sucked:
I was drowning in my own thoughts.
I hate crying in front of people and I cried for 10 days straight.
I learned the sobering reality of spiritual warfare.
I realized how far I’ve got to go when it comes to my relationship with the Father.
I felt the heavy weight of my past and all of my transgressions.
I felt unworthy.
I felt uncool.
I thought about quitting.
H O W E V E R ………
Training camp was beautiful:
I felt authentic love from absolute strangers within 48 hours of meeting them for the first time.
I danced while the rain fell upon my sticky skin from the Georgia heat.
I praised my savior despite my feelings of doubt and fear, and I felt my throat grow completely hoarse from shouting his name.
I saw God in the faces of the 46 other people on this journey with me.
I felt hope in the promises he makes.
I realized this next chapter is about me getting to know my Papa.
I felt fought for.
I forgave those who had hurt me or broken promises to me.
I saw the color blue and was brought to tears thinking about the amazing growth that lies ahead.
I realized that God has someone crafted for me to love one day, but that he has to do some crafting on me before that happens… and I’m beyond okay with that.
I discovered that The Lord speaks to everyone in different ways and that I can’t compare my relationship with him to others.
///
I decided to be baptized the last day of training camp because I wanted to not only show the rest of the world that this is my new life but I wanted to prove to myself that I could truly surrender… it just isn’t easy. In fact, it’s freaking hard. This next year is about truly denying myself and saying yes to whatever God wants me to do. So, with that, I need to give up and surrender some idols and distractions in my life. I’m going to be taking a break from social media for a while and just spend time listening to God. I just need to enjoy this time at home and press into him.
One of my favorite parts of training camp was resigning our covenant to God and our squad. I want this year to be one full of intentionally, healing, growing, and loving. This put a weight on my heart but now, I actually feel like I can carry it because I’m leaning into God for strength. I made promises to my new family and to my Father, and I fully intend to keep them. I got to look each one of my squad mates in the eyes and say to them “ I’ve said yes to God, and I’m saying yes to you.” I was a weepy mess. The line that Victor Hugo wrote in Les Miserables was playing in my head while looking into each of their eyes: “to love another person is to see the face of God.” MAN, OH MAN… SO MANY TEARS.
Another one of my favorite parts of training camp was getting to actually see how God is working in so many lives and how nothing in this life is just “coincidence.” Whether it was connecting with multiple members of the serve team and feeling like God could hear my fears and doubts so he placed these people in my life at the perfect time to help ease my anxiety, or God affirming me of why I was placed on my team. He was working with every conversation and challenge. I saw the true state of the human condition… it was breathtakingly humbling and enchanting all rolled into one. I also got to see God knit together 300 students in a room together, all from different backgrounds… but no matter the suffering, pain, or trauma endured in the past… God brought all of us together for this journey. Faithful… even when we aren’t. There were times this week I wanted or tried to convince myself that he was good…
He was still good,
still is,
and always will be.
One of the best ways to describe exactly how I was feeling/ feel currently is best depicted by Lauren Daigle’s new song, You Say. Homegirl knew exactly what I needed to hear.
How lucky am I that this is my life?????
I hope that at this point in your race you’ve learned to stop taking yourself so seriously but to also embrace how cherished and chosen you are.
I hope you took all the advice… I know you miss home and all of the familiar, but soon enough it’ll be time for the next season… so embrace this one. I pray that you never take this life for granted. I pray you tell everyone on your team and squad how thankful you are for them. I hope you build relationships and show others what Christ looks like: love. I pray that you awake each morning with the astonishment of his mercy and zeal for living every day you can to the absolute fullest. I hope you have learned to just sit with him. I hope you have learned to give yourself some grace. I hope you keep your head up and keep praying for your future husband (whoever he is, LOLOLOLZ) and you don’t become discouraged because you’re taking time to become content with The Lord first. I hope you are finished with feeling too complicated. I hope you’re learning that with him, this weakness can become strength. Mostly, I hope you keep falling more and more in love with your creator and I hope you’re starting to fall in love with the woman he’s calling you to be… courage, Grace… courage!!
I hope reading this makes you smile and laugh at how far you’ve come.I also hope it makes you realize how far you’ve still got to go…
but don’t worry Grace, he’s standing right next to you and walking this road with you.
Your pre-race overwhelmed but joy-filled self,
Grace.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ESV,MSG.
P. S. – text your mom and tell her you love her.
P.S.S.- have a good chuckle looking back at these pictures
