Already wanting to quit because nothing remotely amazing has happened. The first few weeks in the Philippines I went over to my ministry hosts house and got my first, extremely spontaneous and not even remotely thought out, tattoo on their couch. After it being confirmed by God in a extremely weird way that I won’t go into detail about, and about 7 minutes of being in the most excruciating foot pain I’ve ever experienced in my life ,got tatted.
Im still upset that it’s already fading but you can kinda see it says taste and see, in my own handwriting I might add :). Before you get any twisted idea of the meaning I’ll have you know I based it off of the scripture God gave me through my mentor in the midst of my faith crisis in South Africa. I told myself and squad leader that I’m extremely pissed at myself because I don’t love God, if I did love God I would do as He says to me; “if you love me, keep my commands” John 14:15.
My mentor talked about obedience in a way I’ve never heard someone talk about it ever before. Something along the lines of choosing obedience is choosing life, disobedience is stubbornly choosing death because it is easier and comfortable (definitely spoken much better by her). anyways she explained it like a singe piece of paper on the floor, if you look at it from a side view you can barley tell that it is there, but it is. And over time you’re obedient to another thing, and another paper gets added on and so on and so forth. Over time when you look back you are visibly about to see the goodness of the Lord from your own past experience of tasting and testing for yourself how good He really is.
Day 1: I definitely fell into the lie this day that when the Holy Spirit wants you to do something, it will sound some kind of Christian alarm within me notifying me that I need to do something for God. Definitely on me for not taking the time throughout the day to simply sit in His presence and listen to His will. Realizing now that my entitlement is disgusting; at some point every day do not take time to listen yet expect to see miraculous things.
Day 2: I was crying to God because I wanted my phone so I can put my headphones in and hopefully sleep because everyone was being obnoxiously loud when I desperately wanted to go to sleep, and I was also extremely homesick and wanted to pretend I wasn’t where I am for a while and God told me to go to the kitchen. I was so angry knowing for a fact that my phone isn’t in the kitchen. I went very angry and unwillingly, ready to be disappointed and hit another level of anger. As I walked into the kitchen and tried to compose myself knowing someone was there I finally lifted my eyes to see Mama Jo (our other ministry host/the cook for us) cleaning our table tops full of food. I begged her to let me clean it.
I was in a weird state of happiness that I caught her just in time so she doesn’t have to clean up our mess. After I cleaned it all I had put the supplies I used away and unconsciously walked through another room to get back to where I was sulking before all of this happened and there was my freaking phone… “funny” one God.
Day 3:this might be my last “day update” through sitting with the Lord I became aware of the need to re-evaluate. I feel an enormous amount of pressure to obey really well so I have an amazing story to tell.
Soo from this point moving forward I’ve decided to still pursue this obedience and instead, fill you all in on what I’ve learned everyday and or week. I probably sound lame now but I do take my personal journey more seriously than the way things may appear to others, through blogs and mere observations from others believing that they know what is actually going on in my pursuit with the Lord.
Luke 17:7 suppose one of you has a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Will he say to the servant when he comes in from the field,”come along now and sit down to eat”? Won’t he rather say “prepare my supper, get yourself ready ready and wait on me while I drink and eat; after that you may eat and drink”? Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So also when you have done everything you were told to do, should you say, “we are unworthy servants; we only have done our duty. “
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING
– g
