What is life like rn?
Life is fine.
Fine– (adjective) of very high quality; very good of its kind
Synonyms: excellent, prime, supreme and my personal favorite word, superb
Life is fun.
Life is painful.
Life is abundant.
Life is difficult.
Right now.
Fun. Why? Because for instance a sweet sweet girl on my sister team has let me use her skateboard and it reminds me so much of surfing. I skate after “class” with my twin sister in Christ ,Ky and we find ourselves in beautiful moments when we allow ourselves to be led by the spirit.
Painful. Why? Because for the first time I ( because I was freaking scared from what I’ve seen it do to others) asked God to point out and show me things that are not of Him in my life. Having deep rooted hurts from when I was little become unsuppressed so that I can deal with them.
Pursuing growth and as a result hurting from being stretched; in the best way possible.
Acknowledging my efforts of building a kingdom of self and not God’s kingdom in little and big ways and as a effect of that, choosing minute by minute to die to my desire, my wants, myself.
Having my blind eyes open to seeing the sin that wages war against my soul. And constantly fighting the battle between flesh and Spirit. It’s a literal war.
Because as of 9 hours ago I fully became aware of my entitlement. That I truly deserve no thing. I have done nothing perfect to deserve anything. And from that I start to see things as all gifts. And I have a lot of gifts.
Abundant. Why? Because of the opportunities to meet/ make friends with in the community are endless. And I’m so grateful for it. From the 2ish weeks I’ve been here I have met a baker (that gives me fat cakes for free), a dozen of little girls I can go to and play with whenever I’m feeling down, a woman who is willing to buy and cook traditional South African food for ME. Two woman who pour so much into my soul and have invited me to evangelize with her husbands youth group and COUNTLESS MORE.
Difficult. Why?Because for quite some time on the world race I’ve been the black sheep with opinions because everyone thinks the same thing/ comes to the same conclusion on how they feel about some circumstances etc. and I am the only one with the opposite view.
Because i forgot how to sit in a chair like in school for hours at a time and I must sit in a life skills class all day this week and it reminds me of sophomore year.
Right now I’m (more so was) anxious because it is the half way point of my race. I’m half way done. And I acknowledged for the first time that I don’t have until forever. I do only have 4 1/2 more month left. I do have goals of where I want to be emotionally, spiritually, mentally by the time I come home and I’m no where near it. I have so much further to go. I actually have to stop fooling around because there’s probably never going to be a more perfect environment for me to grow without having to worry about stumbling in my walk with God. The time is now.
Live a life worthy of the calling you have received- Ephesians 4
I don’t know what the Lord has called me to actually do with my life after the race other than live as Jesus did, walk in the Spirit, lean on Him with all that you are.
But I do specifically know He has gifted me with the gift of prophecy and clearly hearing His voice. I know (slightly) where He wants me to go with that; being an audible voice to confirm what He has been saying to them all along and becoming a vessel for Him to reclaim His children wherever I am. With that I need to stop living as I use to( stop going back from time to time of who I was) and finally own and stand tall in the new creation I am. To stop borrowing what He has given me.
So yea
That’s what my life looks like right now.
Feel free to leave comments, questions concerns below
Love,-g
