Sometime during sophomore year one morning while doing the ole’ school drop off rounds with my step dad I vividly remember right after dropping off my brother at his school, on the way to my school we were probably listening to 95.5 the fish or some radio show along those lines and this man was talking about a gold fish. How goldfish are always in a small tank and the fish most likely would rather prefer the pool. But if that fish went in the pool ,yes there would be more space to swim and it would probably be really cool to experience this new freedom but the chlorine water would kill the fish much more quickly compared to the small tank.
Well I just had an epiphany that I am a goldfish.
I’m at that age where no one will force me to be in that tank anymore. Just last week I jumped into that big pool of freedom and nearly died. I’ll spare you the details but in the end I nearly fell 4 stories to a tragic ending but by the grace of God and my barley-there biceps I made it down safe with only some nasty cuts,blisters and numb fingers. But with the things I did I feel pretty dead inside honestly. God and I are not relationship goals at the moment and I’m still not sure why I get distant with Him when I do something I’m not suppose to do. I guess I feel like I cant praise Him with my metaphorically dirty hands.
But the thing that keeps popping in my head today is that I am the exact person God wants. Time and time again in the bible Jesus seeks out the people who are filthy in their sin, and loves on them. But of course it is waaaay easier to say I need to be more vulnerable and receptive to what God wants me to do/be than to actually act on in ,so I am asking for your help. Could you please pray for me, that I just accept God’s wide open arms for me and the shame just fall off of me and that I loose my pride and gain godly knowledge to understand ALL freedom is in Christ. thanks
