As I write this I am on hour five of a twenty-hour bus ride to the border of Bolivia. Once we cross into the country my team will have to take two more buses over two more days to Santa Cruz in Northeast Bolivia before arriving at our ministry location. Although I am arriving at month three of the Race, today’s story begins in month one. So let’s rewind to Chile.
Two weeks into our time in Los Andes a teammate of mine ended up getting sick. Nothing serious. Just a little 72 hour bug.
Anyone who knows me knows that I take my health very seriously. Eating a wholesome balanced diet, and taking care of my body are extremely important to me. And I believe that being so health conscious is why I have only been sick twice in the past 10 years.
You know how sometimes you say something and you instantly get a gut-wrenching feeling that you’re going to regret the words that just left your mouth? Yeah… I got that feeling. And, what do ya know, by the end of the week I was laying in bed with a pounding headache, painful sore throat, full body aches and extreme nausea.
But I didn’t let that get in the way of ministry. I hate being unproductive. And even more than that, I hate being helped. I was born an independent person. My mom will tell you that the day I learned to talk was the day I quit allowing her to help me do even the most basic tasks.
“Grace can I brush your hair?”
“No mommy! Do it self!”
So even though I was miserable I still did everything on my own. Some of my team didn’t even realize I was ill until I told them I wasn’t feeling my best. As long as I could still walk, I was determined to push through.
After two days of dealing with that I woke up finally feeling great. My headache and sore throat had vanished, and I no longer felt nauseous or achy. But that relief was pretty short lived because I immediate realized that my voice was nearly gone, and my sinuses and lungs were full of a ton of gunk. Over the next few days I accumulated a vicious cough. Still I pretended like it wasn’t affecting me.
Another week passed by and there was no sign of me getting better. My team started asking, “Grace, what’s going on? Why are you still sick? Why aren’t you getting better?”
I was just as clueless as them.
And then another week passed by.
At this point we had already arrived at our next ministry location in Argentina. My symptoms were getting better, but were definitely still existent. Finally after three weeks of coughing up a lung and all of its contents I felt nearly back to normal.
Apparently I got too excited too soon though because I came down with something new once again. This time an immobilizing stomach ache. I couldn’t eat anything and any attempt to stand resulted in me breaking out in a sweat. I had no choice but to skip out on adventure days and ministry activities. It started getting in the way of me being a servant, and worshipping, and having fun and experiencing every moment to the fullest.
One evening at dinner a squadmate stood up in front of everyone to share the following. She had accidentally injured her ankle earlier that day and some of the squad had prayed for healing, but it didn’t seem to be getting any better. Someone had asked if there was any sin she was holding onto that might be preventing her from receiving healing. Her response was no. But later the Lord had nudged her to ask for prayer from the entire squad, including our leaders, and YWAM members. She ignored it His nudge. She realized she let her pride get in the way of walking in obedience, and in the way of her own healing. So she stood in front of everyone to lay aside her pride, share that and ask for prayer.
We were in a room full of people, but she was talking directly to me. And she didn’t even know it.
In that moment God spoke to me. He said, “Grace, you can not receive full healing until you let go of your pride too.” I looked back at the last month and realized that time and time again I had let my pride get in the way. I refused to be helped. I refused to ask for help. And every time the Lord would gently elbow me to ask for prayer, I ignored Him. I pretended like I was fine and like I could do everything on my own.
But He wasn’t just talking about physical healing. He was talking about spiritual healing too. When we hold onto sin we are not giving space in our hearts for the Lord to work in us. We need our hearts to be completely emptied of sin and things of this world, so that He can fill us up with all things good.
Good news guys: After processing all that, I went to my team and told them what was going on. I told them all about my issue with pride, and what I was learning. And almost immediately the sickness went away. I was restored to full energy. I am happy and healthy!
