It’s time we said goodbye. You’ve served me for the past 22 years and I am finally ready to make my debut. I am no longer in need of your services. I’ve relied on you for so many things. I looked to you for my identity, for my safety, even to earn love. You proved to be a false sense of security that I have come to loathe. You only bring temporary results with minimal success. While I thought you had my best interest in mind all you really were doing is devaluing my true, beautifully broken self. You seemingly mended the hurt when all you really did was bury it. You fed into my distrust to gain your fame and now I’m left with surface level friendships that never made it past the shoreline. You whispered subtle lies causing me to believe I was unwanted without you. You led me to believe that alone, I wasn’t worth the time, not even to God. Sure, we’ve had some laughs. Mostly at the expense of others. You gave me the weapons to defend my own insecurities and destroy those around me in the process. For what? To puff up your ego? You’ve turned my heart to one of judgment to protect your role and promised to fulfill the ever deepening emptiness within. You’ve given me eyes of jealousy and comparison, that seek out fault in others, even in myself. You’ve helped me manipulate those around me and told me it was to keep me safe. You used my weakness to gain your strength. All you wanted was the spot light. The bigger audience, the better. The constant black mail of past failures to keep me on your hook has always worked. Until now.
Now I walk away. I’m done with your games. I’m cutting ties with your fake and shallow morals. Today I bask in the sunlight of reality. The reality of me. True authentic Grace Elizabeth Treloar. The girl whose identity is found in being a child of the Heavenly Father. The girl who loves too deep and wears her heart on her sleeves. The girl who has bad days and can be moody from time to time. The girl who is klutzy and trips while she walks probably everyday. The girl who loves to laugh and bring joy to a room. The girl who seeks truth and longs for genuine intimate relationships. The girl who believes God made her authentic and genuine, and beautiful. Today I walk in the reality that I no longer have to earn the love of those around me. I walk with the confidence that I am worthy because I am God’s beloved. I no longer have emptiness because I am full with the Great Love of God. I no longer am blinded by your lies and when I look around you know what I see? I see a whole bunch of people who carry their own unique, beautiful qualities. I see Gods children.
My reality is free of your fake, attention seeking, self uplifting, insecurity driven self. My reality is full of my raw, broken, vulnerable, sometimes weird, and always loved self. So goodbye false self, it’s here we part ways.
XO ~The true me
