Words evade me.
I'm tired. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Maybe a little bit physically as well. (A good night's sleep is hard to come by on a regular basis on the Race.)
Things are draining me that didn't used to bother me at all.
I don't have much to say right now. I wish I did. I wish I had a big, life-changing lesson to share that God has taught me over the past several weeks.
But to be honest, He's been a bit quiet.
And to be tooootally honest, I have been too. I haven't been seeking the Lord like in months past.
In India, it was a necessity. I needed Him every moment to get through the day and I knew it.
But how worldly and weak am I? Throw me in a flat with a bed and access to a nice coffee shop, and I no longer feel that I need Him as much. I can do the rest of this thing on my own, right?
WRONG.
It's days like today that I wonder how many times He has to cover me in His grace and allow me to learn this lesson.. AGAIN.
I cannot do it on my own. I don't have enough love, patience, or grace to last more than five minutes. The joy is lacking when I try to live for Him out of my own strength. The results are not good.
So I thank Him, again, for loving me despite my ugly and selfish and prideful self that thinks I can be just fine coasting through the next two months. He has CARRIED me through the last nine, why in the world do I think I can walk the last ones alone?
Clinging to James 4:8 right now– "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you," — as I realign my vision to the Cross, humbly repenting for the pride I have walked in, and expecting more from God in the next two months than ever before in my life.
He's always teaching us life-changing lessons, if we take the time to find them.
