Not even a month ago I wrote a post about gratitude. About being thankful in all circumstances. Receiving both good and bad as blessings and gifts because I know and trust the Giver of all things.
And not even a month later, I wake up realizing how quickly I have forgotten that lesson. If I'm going to be completely honest, (and I always like to be) the past couple of weeks have involved a lot of heartache for me.
I let go of someone I really love, surrendering a relationship that isn't where I need to be right now to the Lord. I let go of someone who was my best friend and a huge part of my life and that no part of me wanted to let go. My heart is broken and it hurts and I'm sad.
I let go of my team from the past 3 months. A team that I have learned so much from, shared laughs and tears and made memories with, and grown to love deeply. I watched as we were placed on different teams, the season of the Race and our lives where we were all together coming to an end. And it hurt.
And in the midst of my own heartache and sadness, I stopped giving thanks for the hard things. Instead of holding out open hands, ready to receive, I clenched my fists and hardened my heart and stepped back and said, "but not when it hurts like this."
How easily I forget.
But then I open my eyes and my heart just a little, and I realize that choosing not to see it all as blessings is not doing anything for the ache inside. It's not doing anything for the emptiness or sadness or hurt.
So I get on my knees and I thank Him for it all.
For a broken heart, for love lost, for friendships shifted, for team changes, and for ongoing opportunities that allow me to choose thankfulness and joy even when it's hard.
And I pray that next time, I won't forget quite as easily.
