Looking for God
In college, my girlfriends and I had a movie line we would reference whenever we were frustrated. It’s a scene from “The Breakup.” Vince and Jennifer are having an argument (one of many I might add), and Vince is frustrated beyond belief as to why he cannot make this woman happy. “What do you want from me?!” he screams. Jennifer replies deliberately emphasizing each word, “I want you to WANT to do the dishes.” The fact that Vince is present in the relationship isn’t enough for Jennifer. She wants him to want her and to show this by doing things for her.
Life is so full of the unknown. High school students deciding where to go to college, after college deciding what career path to choose, career changes, who to marry, when to have kids… the list could go on and on. Sometimes it’s the choice between two good opportunities and discerning which is the best decision to make. Other times, life takes a twist or turn we weren’t expecting and suddenly we feel lost, unsure of what to do next. Let’s throw in the pseudo-Christian theory of how God has had our entire life planned out from the time we were born to add a whole other level of anxiety to it. We stress out about “God’s call” on our lives, “His will”, and how we are messing it up. Sometimes I talk to God and say “What do you want from me?!” “I want what you want, God. If You would just tell me, give me a sign, strike something with lightening- do something!”
The more I live life the more I understand that God doesn’t want me to fret over making the wrong decision. Nor does He want me to wait forever for some miraculous event to occur to give me direction for life. He wants me to WANT him. And to do things that show my love for Him. Another way of saying this, is to say that God wants me to seek Him. So is God hiding from me? I don’t think so. I think He’s just in the places I haven’t looked before. He’s in the waiting, the frustration, the in-between, the sudden loss, the grand opportunity, the tearful reunion, the belly laughs with a friend, the 8-5 Monday through Friday job, the 11 month race across the world… and He wants me to find Him there. I still have questions, but I’m no longer looking for answers. Instead, I’m looking for God.
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