Sunsets & Surrender

I arrived at our ministry site in Thailand on December 6th. The month of December was the hardest month I’ve experienced so far. I entered into brokenness and hit the absolute lowest point of my Race. I felt stripped of all life and just wanted to be back home.

 

But I chose to fight. I chose surrender to God and His plan for my life during this season. I chose to open my heart and mind and let Him work in whatever ways He wanted.

 

That decision turned the hardest month into the most rewarding month. My attitude about and perspective on my time here has radically changed. God has been working and moving in ways I could never have imagined. I have been absolutely blown away.

 

I left the states with a passionate fire burning deep inside of me. That fire to serve and love consumed every part of me. We just recently hit the halfway point, and that fire was nowhere near what it once was.

 

God took care of that. Specifically, during the sunsets.

 

I get to sit in my eno (hammock) every night and look out on the farm, backdropped with dark blue mountains. The sun slowly sinks behind the mountains, soon lighting the entire sky with streaks of orange, red, pink, and purple. Every single night I am awestruck.

 

Sometimes I just sit in wonder, speechless at the fact that every sunset is different. Sometimes I sit in silence, tears streaming down my face because my Father’s love for me is so overwhelming; I physically can’t bear it and I mentally can’t grasp it. Sometimes I worship, singing my own song, longing to bring whatever I can. Sometimes I pray, asking the Lord what He has for me, desiring nothing more than to follow His leading.

 

Mostly I listen, and that’s when He speaks. That’s when He mends and heals and fills me up. That’s when He refuels my fire and fills me with so much joy that I can’t help but laugh out loud. That’s when I get stuck, unable to move from the place I’m in, craving only to be in His presence.

 

I fall in love with Him over and over again.

I can’t get enough.

 

Jesus has captivated my heart, once again. He has lit me up and made me come to life. I never want to stop seeking His face. I never want to stop searching.

 

I get to spend the rest of my days on earth learning about Him and knowing more of Him; yelling His name from rooftops; serving Him and loving people; bringing the Good News and telling the world about my Daddy like His proud little girl. One day, I get to worship Him face to face, dancing and singing at His feet.

 

I don’t deserve that.

I don’t deserve this life.

I don’t deserve His unconditional and relentless love.

 

Yet I am His and He is mine.

That’s where my hope lies: my eternal, living hope.

 

I still have another two weeks left here. Time has flown by and it freaks me out how fast it’s continuing to go. But I know the Lord has used us in this place. I have stories on top of stories to attest to that. I know He’s going to continue to use us up to the very last day here.

 

So if you want to pray, here’s what’s up:

 

• prayers for my team as we finish up our time in Kanchanaburi. specifically for helping farm, teaching English, and our radio broadcasts spreading the Gospel.

• prayers for our host (Pang), her family, and their ministry. also for our relationships with them and encouraging and blessing them.

• prayers for the upcoming Parent Trip, when most of our parents come to do ministry with us for a week here in Thailand.

 

Much love as always.