I’m ready. I’m ready to get this show on the road. Literally, I’m ready to get on the road and head back to good ol’ Georgia. I’m ready to see the faces that I’ve missed for the past five weeks. I’m ready to be back with the people that make me feel alive. I’m ready to dive into this new life. I’m ready for the heart wrenching moments. I’m ready to learn more about a love so fierce that it shatters and mends all at once. I’m ready to face whatever is thrown at me with trust and confidence in God. I’m ready for Him to use me in any and every way He desires. I’m ready,
but I’ve felt
this overwhelming sense
of being
unequipped.
I haven’t spent as much time preparing for the Race as I could have. I haven’t worked through all the ugly parts of me. I haven’t heard from God every single day in crystal clear ways. I haven’t done everything to physically prepare. I haven’t, I haven’t, I haven’t… the list seems to just keep adding up.
There’s no doubt in my mind that these thoughts are from the Enemy. He will do anything and everything to stop us in our tracks. I am a week away from leaving the country to do God’s work, and that isn’t something he wants. Some cool, wise lady (my mom) has continually drilled a phrase into my head from a young age. It’s proved to be one of the greatest lessons: God has a plan for our lives. But so does Satan. “Plan A” is to have you. If he can’t have you, “Plan B” is to render you ineffective for the Kingdom of God. And that is exactly what He’s trying to do because he sure as hell can’t have me.
But God is bigger and is using these feelings of being “unequipped” to teach me. He’s funny that way, using my weakness for his glory.
I wouldn’t be stepping out in my faith if I was prepared for this trip. I wouldn’t be relying on, leaning on, and trusting in God. I wouldn’t be putting Him in the forefront to lead the way. This isn’t about being perfectly put together. This is about being broken and used in incredibly real ways for the Kingdom. This is about GOD doing HIS work through me and in me for all nine months.
I may not be perfect in every aspect of my life,
but God is.
I may not know what exact words to preach,
but God does.
I may not know how to be the best leader,
but God will teach me.
Something God has been showing me in the past five weeks is that He chooses me. He wants me. I belong to Him. End of story. There are no what-ifs, buts, or hidden exceptions.
I AM HIS.
That doesn’t mean I’m His just when I’m put together. I belong to Him when I’m not caught up in sin. He calls me His when I look neat and presentable before His throne. He chooses me when I choose Him. Those are lies the Enemy feeds us. Because my God? My God wants it all. He wants the crying, snotting mess. He wants the girl selling herself short to the world. He wants the sin and baggage. He wants us when we run back to Him again, and again, and again. He wants us. Period.
And not only does He want all of us, He wants to use us. He wants to break down walls, set us free, and shape us into living, breathing mouthpieces for the Kingdom.
So those lies about being unprepared have no place here. God called me to this exact life. I want more than anything to be a tool for His Kingdom. I believe that that desire is the key. We have a God who is ready to utilize us and if we have a willing heart, He will.
I am ready.
He is equipped.
He is ready to equip.
