This morning, I woke up with a headache. Last night, I had
resolved to fast, at least from breakfast and snacks, today, in an attempt to
depend more on God. So when I woke up, I was already hungry and tired. Instead
of getting up and going to read my Bible, I turned over and went back to sleep,
and told myself later, later, later…
Yesterday, I realized I was spending way too much money on
snack-y foods that really weren’t healthy. So in an attempt to reign myself in,
I imposed new policies on myself:: only drink water, no tienda visits, only buy
food on your day off, etc.
This morning, the same thing happened. My prayer the last
few days has just been to be more intimate with God. I’m having trouble hearing
His voice among all the noise (and there is a lot of noise in a house with 25
people, in a country that celebrates and mourns with firecrackers and gunshots,
and enjoys their music EXTRA loud), I’m feeling distant from God while on a
missions trip, and I just want to be with Him.
So when I didn’t get up and spend time with Him, I decided I
needed to fast to make myself be more dependent. My head was pounding, but I didn’t
want to take medicine because I wanted to depend on God. I was punishing myself, in essence, trying to
find some impositions because I needed a way to get closer to Him.
What? Because I was having trouble tuning into the Holy Spirit,
I was SEEKING RELIGION. I say all the time, it’s the relationship, not the
religion. It’s all about freedom, not the law. It’s the new covenant, not the
old covenant.
And yet I found myself actually wanting the rules, seeking
the law, because at least then I’d know what to do. Instead of finding the time
and quiet to listen to God, I was looking to find religion, to put myself back
under the old covenant and nullify what Jesus died for, because it seemed easier
in this moment this morning to follow rules like I’ve been taught my whole
life, instead of follow the Spirit like I am learning to do.
I want that intimacy with my Abba. I want to follow the Holy
Spirit’s guiding. I want to be under the new covenant and live out the
relationship, freedom, friendship and intimacy Jesus purchased for me on the
cross.
But I also want a step by step guide on how to get there. I
want to know what to do first, second, third, to cultivate a closer
relationship with my Dad. But that’s not how it works. It’s about being pulled
into his intimacy and love and grace and mercy every day, choosing each day to
be still and ask God to speak, and then doing what He says.
Here’s an accurate acronym for following God: KISS
Keep It Simple, Stupid.
