Growing up I was assigned to be in leadership positions during school projects or club events. I’ve led in worship, youth groups, and youth seminars. I led a hip hop dance troupe in college. I was one of the leaders in charge of training new veterinary assistants when I was a vet tech. I was a lead teacher in Sunday School and a leader for our foster and widow ministry at church.
Looking at this list of credentials you could assume that I must have been a good leader. In some cases maybe I was. But, what I’ve learned over the years is that leadership has little to do with credentials. As I study the Bible I saw that God chose the most unexpected, inexperienced people to lead.
In the hopes to grow in leadership I reflected on my past roles. I saw how I failed as a leader so many times. How did I fail? I lacked humility. I may have had some humble moments, but I did not daily walk the long road of humility.
As a young leader I recalled the times when I didn’t consider others opinions or I spoke over them. I didn’t seek out wise counsel or delegate job duties. Many times I decided to take on tasks on my own thinking that completing as many things as possible meant that I was a good leader. Doing this didn’t help anyone. It made me stress driven and taught me how to strive for perfection or success. And it made others feel irrelevant, unneeded, and unmotivated.
As I grew older I experienced salvation. At church I stepped into more leadership roles thinking that I could continue to “lead” like I have been all these years. Thank God for people who taught me better. My church spent time teaching and raising up their leaders. And other leaders in the children’s ministry sowed into me.
I learned a lot. But head knowledge and heart knowledge are two different things. I needed a holy revelation from the Lord to be able to carry out the tasks as a ministry team leader. Reflecting on my years in church ministry I see where I failed again.
I stepped out of my ministry lead position after my father passed away and my wedding engagement broke apart. But I did not have anyone to take my place. I didn’t invest enough time in discipling others, teaching others, or encouraging them to be leaders.
Although my pastors trusted the Lord to find a replacement for me and they showed me love and grace through a difficult time, I felt guilty and ashamed knowing that I strived to be perfect when I should have strived for humility.
Entering into a new season of my life I knew I wouldn’t get any leadership positions anytime soon. The Holy Spirit needed to teach me a few things first in order for me to be refined in my gift of leadership. When the time came to choose team leaders during our world race training camp, my mentor told me in advance that I was not picked for the position even though it seemed I was a “natural” leader.
I remember having tears of joy at this news because it affirmed my original thought that I needed to first learn how to be humble. I didn’t want to be a leader in the “natural” sense. I wanted to know how to tap into the “supernatural” anointing of the Lord.
But suddenly during month four in Botswana the Lord impressed on my heart that I would be leading the next team. I was shocked. My initial thought was that I wasn’t ready. There was still a lot for me to learn. I was annoyed and upset saying to the Lord, “this isn’t my season to lead.” I was scared to fail.
Then I remembered His words, “my thoughts are nothing like your thoughts and my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine” (Isaiah 55:8).
I was placed in a hard position standing at a crossroad. Do I walk down the path of pride or do I choose to walk down that long road of humility?
When I got the phone call inviting me to be the next team leader, I said “yes” in obedience to the Lord. Then, I went to Him and said, “Lord, I choose to humble myself before you because I have no idea what to do. Please teach my how to lead because I am your servant and I want to serve you faithfully.”
I confessed to Him, “Lord, I know I will have moments where I fail to see things from your perspective. But, when I do, I will turn to you! In my failure and weaknesses you are strong. Go ahead and glorify yourself. It’s you I want to see.”
All the head knowledge I had about humility connected to my heart. The Lord gave me a revelation — there’s nothing I can do apart from Jesus and that includes being a leader.
Each day afterwards I kept walking the road of humility. It was difficult. I felt as if pieces of me was being peeled off. I was taking off my old, dirty, filthy, shame stained rags. With each step I dropped something — the feeling of having to strive for perfection, the thought that in order to be effective I needed to do everything on my own, the need to control situations and people, the feeling of having to be right, the lie that if I pointed people higher than I would offend them, the lack of trust in the Lord, the temptations that cause me to walk out of integrity, the feeling that I can’t fail, and the thought that I needed to carry the weight of my team’s problems all on my shoulder.
Each day I went to the Lord for help interceding for my team. I asked Him to guide my choices and my words. I asked Him to protect my team spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I asked Him to reveal Himself to me through my team. I asked Him to amplify my gift of discernment and to teach me how to be spirit led. I bowed at His feet knowing that I was His servant and everything I did must be for Him and His Kingdom.
As days turned into months I saw the Lord answer my prayers. He gave me the words to be able to encourage my team but also to have tough conversations. He highlighted our individual strengths and giftings so I was able to delegate roles and create opportunities where they could thrive. He created a safe space where we can be vulnerable and real with each other. He allowed our hearts to be softened towards constructive feedback. He protected us from dangerous situations during Ministry and restored our health when we were sick.
He united us, teaching us all how to be humble, gentle, and patient with one another. I witnessed my team growing. The women I began leading four months ago are not the same. They grew more passionate and intimate with Jesus and are stepping into new grounds as warriors for Christ.
This has been the most challenging season of leadership I’ve ever had. But as a team we made it through some difficult months because of Jesus. It was all Him. All I did was pray and bow down. And He showed up every single time.
All my leadership experience could not have prepared me for a season such as this. It’s not about experience. Being a good steward of the gift of leadership has a lot to do with humility.
The quicker you are to run to the Lord the more generous is His outpouring of grace (Proverbs 3:34).
The faster you realize that the Lord is sovereign the more He bestows on you a crown of victory (Psalm 149:4).
The hastier you are to glorify Him and not yourself the quicker He is to favor you with wisdom (Proverb 11:2).
Humility changes everything.
In the beginning of this month we had another team change. It was time for me to step down as a team leader. I was excited to see my squad mates be raised up as leaders for their new teams. During our team debrief my team Selah was given the opportunity to share final thoughts with each other. I cried as they showed their love to one another and showered me with encouragement.
One of my teammates said, “Gisele, you shared your testimony and stories of who you were in the past. But when I look at you I don’t see the person that you used to be.”
This is all I want — to strip off all that’s left of me so that I can reflect Jesus as I walk down this long, hard road of humility until the very end.
