Our time in Serbia for month 10 of our 11 month missionary trip was our “no host” month which means that we are not given an assignment to partner with a specific organization or church. We have to pray and seek the Lord’s will to find ministry opportunities, our own lodging, and our own transportation. It’s a good way to grow in the motto, “ministry is life and life is ministry..”
During the month God expanded my perspective on ministry and what it means to be a servant of the Lord. Ministry did not look like all day kid’s ministry, 20 days of preaching, or days of door to door evangelism.
In Serbia ministry for me consisted of a few days where the Lord asked me to sketch pictures like this as thank you gifts for our AirBnB host and their daughters. We made a connection with them and had opportunities to show them the love of Jesus.
Then, there were days where the Lord led me to commit hours towards intercessory prayer either at home, the park, or outside a military base. I really enjoyed going out in the community and meeting people. And, I especially loved days like this where the Lord gave me a vision of a woman who needed a healing prayer and He led us right to her.
The Lord did lead us to a church called Protestant Christian Fellowship that had other ministry opportunities for us. My partnership with the church consisted of helping to organize this storage unit. Those who know me would also know how absolutely enjoyable this was for me!
There were days when ministry came to me even during my off days. I would proclaim His truth like the time I spoke about the importance of prayer in spiritual warfare to our fortress tour guide.
So, the month overall was God inspired and fulfilling. But it was also the most difficult month for me spiritually and emotionally.
What I learned from this month is that I struggled with the “ministry is life and life is ministry” motto. I began to live a “busy-paced” lifestyle similar to what I did prior to getting accepted on the World Race. I again battled with the thoughts that maybe what I’m doing will never be enough and that I will never meet expectations.
These insecure thoughts caused me to hit a danger zone where I started striving for ministry rather than thriving in ministry. As the weeks passed I realized that I no longer felt the constant peace of the Lord. I was beginning to have a hard time resting in Him.
Why did I feel so empty and tired when I was living a life where the Lord was showing me His goodness everyday? Why do I keep walking this road of striving over and over again?
As I was sketching another picture to give as a gift I asked the Lord to pour into me and to speak to me. I asked Him to help me see His rescue. I asked Him to keep me from drowning. I asked Him to cleanse my heart and help me learn in the midst of the stormy sea that I was sailing in.
When I finished the sketch my heart was filled with emotion and I was moved to tears. I never sketched like this before. I don’t know anything about “shadowing” or proper sketching techniques. But for another reason other than myself this sketch got completed two days before us having to leave for our next country.
How did this happen? Because God is THE reason.
A lighthouse is a tower or other structure containing a beacon light to warn or guide ships at sea. The Lord is my lighthouse and He was saying that I am in danger of sinking.
When I place expectations on my own abilities I begin to focus on just that — myself. I lose sight of God as pride weighs me down. I forget where my strength, giftings, and hope come from. Even though my intentions may be good, I become susceptible to deception as lies from the enemy cross my mind. This is why I began feeling anxious, drained, and tired. This is why I was heading toward a rocky shore about to crash because of my stress-driven actions.
Nothing good ever comes from pride. And faith is not based off of the work we do, faith is believing in the work God can do.
I stopped focusing on my situation. I chose God. When I focused on His beacon of light I remembered that life of ministry is a privilege that is special.
I don’t have to do ministry. I get to do ministry in honor of Him. Ministry doesn’t happen for my enjoyment. Ministry happens because He delights in seeing His Kingdom moving on Earth. I don’t live life for myself. I am given the honor to lay down my life for others because of Christ that lives in me.
Ministry can be unplanned, unexpected, and unscripted. As I serve Him humbly, He guides me to new, unchartered territory without my ship crashing on rocks.
I am still reflecting on what the Lord taught me about ministry last month. I’m working on staying mission minded without being drained from striving. I am asking the Lord to continue giving me a fresh perspective of what it means to live a life of ministry that is Spirit led. I am accepting that this is a lesson He will continue to teach me about and refine me on. But now I am beginning to understand that when these old habits and thoughts arise, I have a choice to choose Him. He is patient. And He promises to be swift to rescue me if I choose Him.
Currently, we are in Albania for the last month of our missionary trip and we have another “no host” month. The past three days I spent time resting in Him and giving everything back to Him. He’s still faithful to use me in ways I never thought possible. I’m moved because God is filled with new mercies and an never ending amount of grace for each day.
Please keep me and my squad mates in prayer as we transition into the new things God has planned for us. Please pray that we receive strength, good health, and safety as we finish this race united in love. I always thank the Lord for your encouragement and support of us. God bless you! Thank you!
