I’ve experienced struggles in my life…some brought on by my own reckless decisions and some brought on by the decisions of others. Through it all, I overcame. Every struggle made me resilient. Although I believe resiliency is an admirable trait to possess, if not aware of how the enemy deceives, you can fall into a very PRIDE-full trap. And, there I was, TRAPPED.
Pride…led me into believing that I could do things on my own (idolatry). Pride…led me to believing that in order to be loved, I needed to be perfect (fear). Pride…made it difficult for me to forgive (selfish). Pride…made me lose sight of God’s plans for me because there were other things that I felt I deserved to have (covetous).
Your boast becomes prophecy of a future failure. The higher you lift yourself up in pride, the harder you’ll fall in disgrace. – Proverbs 16:18
A few years go, faced with another struggle where all my plans fell apart before my eyes and my earthly father passed away, PRIDE came in full force! Used by this very deep rooted sin, I did things that caused me to walk out of love and sin in my anger. I thought I was stronger and more capable to react differently than I did. I saw that I lacked Faith and that I was weak. But, you know what…even though I was disgraced, Jesus met me right where I was. And, I thank God for that much needed fall I experienced.
It reminds me of the woman in John chapter 8. This woman was covered in shame and guilt. She was left to face her accusers and cowered on the floor in disgrace. Jesus bent down and with His finger wrote something on the dirt covered ground. Trapped in the prison of shame, guilt, and disgrace I felt very much like this woman. Damaged goods. Unworthy of Love.
When I got accepted on the World Race and the moment I said “YES”, my plea for Jesus was to come into my heart. I asked Him to uproot the sin nature of Pride that made it’s home in me for so long. God, in the midst of my hardest struggle confronted me. But, this time I wasn’t going to run and choose an easy road. I wanted to embrace God’s grace and allow Him to change me. In order to serve Him, I needed Him to come sweep away the contaminated soil of Pride and create in me a pure heart worthy of His rich soil of Love.
At Training Camp, we were given time to worship and be with the Lord in the mornings. Good, quality alone time. I asked God to lead me to a place of worship that would please Him the most. And He led me here…
This uprooted tree. It may have appeared great and majestic once. But, now it has fallen, with roots exposed, unattached from the soil. It’s dead.
As I was kneeling down, worshipping God, He brought me back to the woman in John chapter 8. Although I might never know on this side of eternity what Jesus wrote on the ground for her, I do know the word that Jesus wrote for me. FREEDOM.
The newly planted seeds that Jesus placed in my heart on good and fertile soil is not fully grown. I have moments where old habits, old defense mechanisms, old fears poke out like troublesome, unattractive weeds. PRIDE can rear it’s ugliness still. But one thing I know for certain, GOD IS FAITHFUL. I have the BEST gardener tending to my heart. If I keep my focus on HIM, if I meditate and delight in Him day in and day out, I will stay FREE!
Jesus freed me from the prison of Pride. Jesus freed me from what Pride led me to; shame, guilt, and disgrace. Where my accusers might have stoned me, Jesus stepped in and saved me. Papa heard my plea. He took my heart and cleaned it out. I am no longer a prisoner. I am free to receive Love. I am free to walk in Love. That giant deep rooted tree of Pride has fallen. And, I’m here rejoicing!! Because, Papa is good, filled with compassion, quick to forgive, and eager to pour out His Grace.
Those whose delight in the law of the Lord and who meditates on His law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yield its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither – whatever they do prospers. – Psalm 1:2-3
My prayer from my journal:
Papa, where there were mistakes and condemnation made, YOU Father saw my heart. You didn’t see it as damaged goods. You didn’t see it as something that was no longer valuable. Instead, You saw past my Pride and saw ME. You saw me and what I could be. You saw who You made me to be. You remembered Your promises to me and you heard my cry. Thank you Papa for being my everything. All Glory goes to You who is worthy. Deliver me. Keep me from falling into the trap that is set for me. You are my refuge. Into Your hands I commit my Spirit and my life. May my worship please You. May I dwell in your presence forever. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.
My Worship:
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