Have you ever had those moments when you
think to yourself, “This is really my life.” I have had several of those since beginning on the World Race. We are now in Bolivia and on the bus ride
from La Paz to Cochabamba I had another one of those, “this is my life”
moments. The bus ride from La Paz to
Cochabamba is beautiful but a little harrowing. The road is very curvy and most of the time you are on the edge of a
cliff. The views are gorgeous though; it
makes me in awe of our Creator.
For the last travel day and our first night
in Cochabamba, I really wrestled with a spirit of confusion. I wanted to be here, but I couldn’t really
hear God’s voice amidst my own and I felt confused and a little down. Part of me has been thinking about what else
I am good at besides working with kids. I
am not sure where these feelings came from. Maybe I was giving the enemy a foothold, I don’t know, but I woke up
yesterday morning in Cochabamba and spent some time with the Lord. Two of my closest friends (shout out to
Amanda and Andrea) gave me these index cards before I left that have different
words on them with corresponding verses and quotes for when I am feeling a certain
way. Some of the words are “Awe, Insignificant,
Fear, Happy, Tired, Weak”. Yesterday
morning I saw the envelope and decided to open it again and the first index
card I pulled out said “Confused”. Is
the Lord awesome or what? He knows what
we need to hear! The card talked a lot about
trust and had a verse from Psalm 27:14 which says “Wait for the Lord; be strong
and take heart and wait for the Lord.” One my friends wrote on the bottom. “God will lead. Trust him. Take a
step in faith that he will reveal himself.” The Lord began to remove that
spirit of confusion and remind me that I have His Spirit in me.
Later that day we met our ministry
contact. This month we are going to be
working at an orphanage that is home to seventeen children between the ages of
three and ten. As we were given a tour
and met some of the children, the spirit of confusion was replaced with a
spirit of joy. I could feel my smile
going from ear to ear and as I was sitting down on the floor with one of the
little boys playing with a toy car, I knew that this is what I am supposed to
be doing for the rest of my life, working with kids, loving those who don’t
always get love. I’m not sure what that
will look like in the future, but it doesn’t really matter.
For the past couple days I have been
reading over the book of Philippians and seeing how many times Paul uses the
word “joy” or “rejoice” especially in regards to the trials and struggles we go
through. The Lord has been filling me with joy today and I know that joy is
something much deeper than being happy and it is not something you have when things
are going well. There will be times on
this race where I may be confused again, get afraid, or don’t understand what
God is doing. But we can have peace that
no matter the feelings we have, the struggles we are going to go through, or
the changes that are coming, we can always rejoice in our God because He is
faithful!
This is my life and I am so thankful to Him
for it!
