With the longing there, I eventually moved back to Georgia and settled in Warner Robins. I carried with me the feeling that if people really knew me as I was, they wouldn’t really like me. But God took pity on me and I met Lindsey G. She loves people. Not just in the she’s kind, friendly, will call you on a bad day kind of way; but in a life changing kind of way. Lindsey sees people, sees their hearts, sees their dreams and potential. She has this uncanny ability to make people believe that they are more than what they think. She sees the beauty of Christ in others and pulls it out from the depths of everything else. She saw me, she accepted me, she kept at me until I decided that it was time to embrace God again and his love and forgiveness.
I got involved at Longleaf Church and my time there has been and is still a healing process for me. I have learned so much and it feels like I am part of something bigger than myself. I feel like I belong to the Kingdom of God.
Now I’m in this place where it’s hard for me to accept that my heavenly Father thirsts for a relationship with me. What does that even mean? I feel that applies to my Christian friends or other great Christians like Billy Graham, Andy Stanley, John Piper, Beth Moore, but not me. Why would God need me? There’s nothing to me as people in my past have clearly stated. But I know I need Him a lot. It sounds almost laughable to hear that God waits to be wanted by me… (Rev 3:20) He yearns to be loved by me. To be honest I don’t see God longing to be loved by me at all. However His words said He needs me, how is that possible? Nobody ever needed me, except for using me. But Christ genuinely wants to be a priority to me. He wants me to love Him and to seek Him with all my heart (Jer 29:13). I have no idea how to feel about that and what to do about it. But I’m glad to know there’s nothing wrong with me.
Since I am now learning that God accepts me as I am; and wants me and sees me as this beautiful woman. I am ready to find out where I fit in God’s plan. So at thirty, I’m truly starting and truly discovering God, the Living God. I have no doubt that He wants me to discover Him. And so, He is giving me the opportunity via The World Race to encounter Him. God is calling me to join him in this journey to be restored, healed, renewed, loved, challenged, stretched, and to really love God as he had created me to. In return I want God to express His love clearly to me and to others in my journey. And so I go. To experience and give God’s love first hand.
In July 2012, I’ll be leaving for The World Race. I will by the power of Christ’s love and His spirit live out Isaiah 61:1-3
1The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
