I trust you, God.
You grew amazing relationships in Spain. You took us all on a journey. It was wonderful, but it wasn’t it.
You blew our minds in Casa and Marrakech. You placed us in stories we could have never dreamed of. Freaking cool. But still, not it.
In Sidi Kaouki you changed it up. Wrecked my heart in a way that it couldn’t just be picked up and pieced back together. Naw, you wanted a complete overhaul- devastation and reform. This is closer.
Yesterday, I couldn’t say it. I said “I trust him…” to my friends, but to say it directly to you… I couldn’t risk it. You see me too clearly. You know me too well. No. I would have to mean it, and mean it completely.
Today, I’m in Portugal during an unexpected 24 hour layover, drinking coffee, waiting for you. And here it is.
These past couple months I’ve strived, searched, served, racked my brain for new ways to find you, to serve you, to love the ones you love– and you’ve delighted in me all the while. I have failed, feared, complained, hesitated, protested, or just flat out disobeyed– and you’ve delighted in me all the while.
I have searched for you as if you were hidden. Reached for you as if you were far. Carried yokes you never put on me and let go of things you never asked me to let go of. But Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, all the way, you have loved me so well.
Who are you? I thought I knew. But now I’m just waiting for you. And this is what you want for now. I am confident that you are doing a work in me even now as I wait. Confident that as you work in me, there will be a natural outpouring to whoever I may meet. No striving. Just living.
What I do know of you is your Word, always true and always alive. The greatest and most beautiful mystery. The more I trust you, the more you reveal. The more you reveal, the more I trust you.
So here it is. Here it always will be. With you.
“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” – Isaiah 26:3
