I have been struggling a lot lately with trying to raise money for my trip. At the moment I’m sitting right at $7,000 which means I’m only half way there and I’m leaving in a little over a month., needless to say I’ve been kind of freaking out lately. I don’t know what to do and my relationship with God is struggling a lot because of this. I recently had a fundraiser over the 4th of July at a craft fair in Topeka called the Spirit of Kansas where I sold the Threads of Hope bracelets, but I only ended up making a profit of $20, which is a blessing that I didn’t loose any money since it was pouring rain all day, but after wards I was extremely upset because I was really expecting to make quit a bit more than that. There is no doubt in my mind that this is where God wants me, going on the September 2010 World Race, but my faith is diminishing so much I have very little faith that the money will come through. Why is this so hard? Why am I so worried? I have to keep reminding myself that God will provide, I need to stop being so worried and fully trust in God that he will provide. I know that God can do this for me, but at the same time I’m terrified that it won’t happen. I’m sitting here and I’m waiting for God to show up and rescue me from this burden of money. When will it all be okay and taken care of? or will I constantly be stressed and the money never come.
I absolutely hate asking people for money I feel extremely guilty even when I’m out at different places selling bracelets I feel extremely guilty taking everyone’s money. The only thing I like about fundraisers is that I get to meet and talk to a lot of exciting people and tell them about the World Race, but I hate taking their money, such a generous offer they give me and I have nothing to give them in return. I also, have a really hard time going to churches and asking for help. The one church that I thought I could rely on wasn’t even willing to let me use their facilities for a fundraiser and now I’m kinda hurt by the church and have very little faith that any other church will help and because of this I hadn’t been to any church in over two months until this past Sunday. I know that God is there screaming at me, but I have such a hard time hearing him because I am full of the burdens of this world. Life is very hard and stressful right now, but I’m trying my hardest to pour myself into God and trust that he will provide all that I need.
