The other day I stumbled across an essay I wrote in my sophomore year of high school. It was right after my sister, Gaby had left for her own World Race Gap Year. In the absence of her I wrote about love, God and choices from the perspective of a sad sister who was left behind. Now I am five months into my own gap year experience and reading this essay again had me taken aback by how much my sister’s journey had an affect on my own walk with God. It gave me confidence that maybe, just maybe, my own race is having that affect on the one’s I left behind when I went into battle. It is strange to know both sides. And it is strange to read this again and be reminded of what it feels like to be the one left at home. I did not understand until now that both have had a giant affect on my life and on my walk with God. So here is the essay I wrote after my sister launched in September 2015
“One of the things that separates humans from other creatures is their complex ability to feel love towards one another. The people who we love so dearly, are the ones who we never want to watch walk away. When the day comes when it is time to let these people go, it is of the most difficult of tasks. They turn to the world like a warrior into battle and we watch, merely the loved ones who cannot bear to see them go. I truly understand this feeling of complete fear and loneliness, for I have witnessed my sister so freely give herself to the world’s flaws. It is difficult to feel happy for the warriors of our lives when we know that we will be so much more unhappy without them. Although these thoughts are selfish, the absence of our warriors can be consuming and make it all the more difficult to live in their vacancy. We must dismiss these thoughts and give them our best because, as true warriors do, they want the prayers and consent of their loved ones. Sometimes it’s hard to release the craving you might have for somebody, but what’s important, is that, eventually you do let go. As Kahlil Gibran once said,“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.” It is a hard decision to make to simply release your warriors so they can bear their fruits, but the decision must be made, for as they have made their mark on you, they must impact the world as well.
Labor day weekend, my sister began her 9 month missionary experience. She was expected to go to Guatemala, Malaysia, and Botswana, spending three months in each country respectively. Of course I wanted good things for her. She needed all prayers in the world to build God’s kingdom with her own hands. God was calling her to come and be Jesus to countries who needed him so dearly. Her immense selflessness was what the world needed, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around a life without her. For sixteen years my best friend was no more than a door away. It didn’t take much for us to go sit in the hot tub and procrastinate together for hours, perplexed by the stars and deep thoughts. She inspired me and encouraged me and advised me. I wanted to keep all those wonderful things about her to myself, naïve of how they could change the lives of the hundreds of people she would encounter on her adventure. I remember one night, we were sitting in the hot tub, sometime in the bitter winter, gushing about life the the puzzlement of it all. She was telling me how great it would be to hold off college for a year and give herself to the world. The thought froze me. We had recently grown closer than we had ever been and I definitely wasn’t prepared to let that nearness go and sacrifice her to every bad thing there is in this world. After thinking about it for a while, I realized that my discomfort was irrelevant because Gaby’s future was not to be dictated by me. Clearly she had felt called by God to give herself voluntarily to whoever needed her gifts. Her utter confidence in her choice gave me pride in the fact that I could call this brave woman of God my sister. I could have discouraged her and told her every reason I could think of about why she should stay, but it wouldn’t have done any good. Not just anyone can say that their sister is a Christian in a country where Christianity is illegal, or that their sister is the only Jesus that some desperate kids have ever seen. Of all the things I admire my sister for, I can genuinely say that Gaby Scheer is such a hero. Not just to me, but to the world, and I am so grateful that I made the choice, not to hold her back, but to let her go to battle, because, after all, the world needs more warriors like her.
Although the loss of such an impactful person briefly led to great agony in my own life, I quickly discovered that everyone has their own way with life, an intended plan sketched out just for them by God. Despite the fact that my sister is my best friend, I couldn’t ask for a better role model in my life. It is so wonderful to see the women of our generation going out and making their oh-so impactful mark on the world. Their separate paths lead to all different stunning places, each uniquely their own, and just as much as I admire Gaby, I admire her individuality and I pride the fact that I may have had something to do in the shaping of her character. Choices are one of the backbones of life. You have to make a choice thousands of times in a single day. These choices sculpt your personality and they help to make you different from everyone else. The amount of choices that must have clicked in Gaby’s mind for her to decide to become a missionary is mind boggling. I hope that one day, the choices that I make can result in a path just as inspiring as theirs.”
